#but like… I kinda relate in many ways with being ill and isolated in many ways but finding community and friendship online
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sparkles-and-trash · 19 days ago
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Everyone should watch Ibelin on Netflix, it’s the most beautiful story in the world, but I promise it will mean extra much for those of us with online friends we care a lot about.
I still get misty eyed every time I even think about it, but in a wonderful way.
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xxchromies · 7 months ago
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Toxic Tumblr Communities
Tumblr is a very interesting place. I feel like women have always dominated this website. While it's a great place for women to express themselves, it's obviously created a lot of really toxic communities that in all honestly could probably only be created by women. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've got communities that normalize harmful behavior (self-harm, anorexia, drug taking) and communities that normalize harmful relationship dynamics (the teacher crush and true crime communities, the ddlg community, the kink community in general, etc.), all kinds of different shit. I won't deny that these are all really harmful in their own ways. BUT I can't stand the way many people talk about them.
It's not uncommon for people to make YouTube videos talking about these communities, and totally eviscerating the posters without showing a single shred of empathy, despite most of the posters being depressed, isolated, and traumatized teen girls.
When it comes to the communities that revolve around toxic behavior, I kind of hate how the posters are treated as if it is their fault and their fault alone for other people picking up on the behaviors. If someone looks at thinspo or a SH picture and is like "YES I want that!" did the post directly create those feelings? Or maybe JUST MAYBE the person viewing the post was already mentally ill and now they just become encouraged to be a part of a community with people they relate to? Also I kinda hate how people accuse these posters of "romanticizing" the things that they do, I really don't think it's true most of the time. I think what happens is that women are conditioned into always wanting to appear beautiful, and so they want even their pain to be beautiful. Which is why they then write "sadgirl" poetry about cutting or whatever. I also think it's a coping mechanism. If you're going through something difficult, the least you can do is be poetic about it. I also think that a lot of the times it's a cry for help. It's common to make fun of the emo girl who cuts for attention but even if it's for attention she's still hurting herself.
There are also communities that "romanticize" bad relationship dynamics. When it comes to the teacher crush community, I honestly don't think it deserves the hatred it gets. 99% of the posters have no plans to actually get with their teachers. In YouTube videos about this community, they often respond to the rare posts where underage girls gush about how their high school teacher reciprocates their love. The YouTubers blame the girl for posting about the situation and "romanticizing" it, rather than blaming the fucking adult male for taking advantage of a high schooler. It's abhorrent and I can't stand it.
The true crime community is less defensible, but even then, most of the girls do not support violence, it's more so a fantasy of being able to fix a evil man. And I honestly think it's reflective of the way society tells women and girls that they are responsible for men's feelings and actions, even the very worst of them. And pretty much all the posters are either depressed and isolated teen girls or 30-something year old women who have a history of dating violent and abusive men. When people criticize this community, there's something about the way they do it that's almost victim-blamey, idk. I won't act like what they're doing isn't harmful to the victims, but people act as if drawing the Columbine dudes being yaoi boyfriends or whatever is just as bad as the fucking shooting itself.
And the ddlg community on here mainly seems to be fronted by "littles" who roleplay as underage children having sex with their parents. Again, this is a baddd thing to be encouraging, even if it's through role-play. But I HATE how people act like pretending to be the little is the same as pretending to be the adult. All these girls are fantasizing about roleplaying sexual abuse and idk about you but they really do seem like victims to me. This is not a pass for them to promote harmful behavior but again I just hate the double standards. These people are turned on by being victimized and people somehow don't feel any sympathy for them. They act as if it's the EXACT SAME as being turned on by victimizing others.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I HATE how the standards for women are so much higher than they are for men. Women will post about the pain they are causing themselves, and society gets angry with them for daring to be upfront about it and/or trying to make it seem "beautiful". Women will post about how they want to be victimized, and society gets angry at them for promoting toxic relationships, while not offering them a shred of empathy and asking WHY they want that.
Idk I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm not saying these girls are completely blameless and I really don't want it to be interpreted that way, but it's crazy to me the way people act like they are heinous and evil (and not like, victims of patriarchal conditioning) for romanticizing situations where they would be victimized.
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h3llcat01 · 2 months ago
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[<3] ROBBIE AND LUKE HEADCANONS!!! [<3]
(Some TWs because I mention Luke and Robbie's trauma [in my au/hcs/lore] TW for SA.)
☆♡Fandomtrashcan/Irhen (If its okay to call you Irhen, I DONT KNOW IF IM SPELLING IT RIGHT EITHER IM SORRY) you are an inspiration and you gave me so many headcanons I'm gonna have to either beat you with a mallet or maybe make you cupcakes and cookies. /pos your art seriously makes me happy and very joyful (same with all you other cool ghost rider mooties like wazz, cicada, other robbie cuz my name is robbie, kayla, bel, you guys are really cool, I would try to talk to you guys more but I am so awkward n you all scare me sadly because you're all really really cool and you guyz are basically the only robbie reyes fans I know........ 😞😞)♡☆
(I got inspiration from Fandomtrashcans so they are simular I think SOMEBODY GET THIS TO THEM I BEG I DON'T WANNA SHOW THEM MYSELF IM A SCAREDY CAT🙏🏽🙏🏽)
I'm gonna take a fat nap this took me like an hour so much writing and then the Elias Morrow in a Robe pic at the end mmph 😞🙏🏽
Okay, so basically, I think Robbie wouldn't really like intimacy as much just due to Eli who is inside him. (Eli literally sees everything he does, and that probably would make Robbie extremely uncomfortable, plus, Robbie is most likely the type that wouldn't get into physical touch such as sex or so until he is truly comfortable and also dealt with Eli or something.) Lucas doesn't find out about Eli until they actually start to date and way more into it [As much as I joke abt Luke and Robbie getting 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔨𝔶, Ima be fr, the only time they actually canonically had any sexual relations was the drunk hookup. If I said any other time, Ill be damn surprised.] *Yes, Ive drawn nsfw of them, but 👏🏽THOSE.👏🏽ARENT.👏🏽 CANONICAL.👏🏽AND.👏🏽NOT.👏🏽REALLY.👏🏽ANY.👏🏽CONTEXT.👏🏽* [Still don't know if I want to keep drawing nsfw at all really.]
I'm graysexual personally (I am hypersexual yall, but that is a curse. Im not comfortable with sexual stuff irl really [Might be ace]) but I kinda want to put that label onto Robbie. In my au, Robbie is trans female to male and is also bisexual. Hes not openly trans and the only people that DO know is Gabe and Luke due to the drunk hookup.
Also, as Irhen said, Robbie is more of the awkward shy type.
I think Robbie wouldn't really care for sex in an actual relationship I think he'd be fine with just romance and stuff but not anything sexual really.
In my au, Sam does exist, but thats way before Luke and Robbie generally start to click and such.
(I don't think I have spoken about Sam yet so Ill put him and Robbie AND Luke's backstory in orange)
Sam also is a key part in it, due to Sam being an absoulete A-Hole and completely just pushing Robbies boundaries in the relationship he had with him and also being just a total weirdo, that also plays a big part in MY Robbie's story and stuff, Robbie is hesitant towards the stuff. Robbie overall isn't a really 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔨𝔶 guy...
Anyway, That plays a big part because Sam has pushed Robbies boundaries a lot and has definitely given him trauma and Robbie has definitely become more guarded due to it. (Sam Hate Club.) [I also might make it to where Sam was BEFORE Robbie became a ghost rider.]
Lucas and Robbie have a very complicated relationship, they are quite literally enemies to lovers, Robbie has literally DESPISED Lucas and at one point Lucas forced himself to feel the same way about Robbie. (In my story Lucas has known Robbie since highschool, but I'm thinking about removing it because Lucas's story is progressing to a isolated traumatic childhood being forced into Luke being raised into a weapon for the Gang that his father is in.)
Luke and Robbie's friendship (They'd never admit it till FAR on) progresses over the years very slowly, and mainly due to Luke and Sam's history and Robbie's. [It honestly REALLY starts off with that, Luke and Sam get into it because Sam just doesn't leave Robbie alone and Luke managed to get rid of Sam for a bit and Robbie learns about Lucas and Sam's history.]
When Robbie and Sam were together, Robbie generally was just so mentally unstable and stuff that he didn't really watch what he was doing and stuff, Sam really drained him. (This is Kinda where Lucas driving Robbie home constantly after something stupid like a party or so and Robbie gets drunk or smth. [Sam would always refuse to take him home.])
If you think the drunk hookup actually got them close, HELL no, they actually got further away from eachother. Lucas and Robbie were kind of just embarrassed. (Especially Lucas, the hookup really really messed with him, Lucas has kept that crush a secret for a while and that drunk hookup just ruined Luke's ability to think around Robbie, Lukes a nervous wreck. After that whole thing, Lucas avoided Robbie, and Robbie avoided Luke. Until a while later they eventually would run into eachother no matter what at the street races and eventually get back into that banter they would always have *without bringing up that embarrassing moment they had ages ago*)
Luke and Robbie started to get closer over Sams bullshit and once Sam was mainly out of the picture other things would happen and Luke would end up helping Robbie out.
I don't wanna say the drunk hookup made them dislike eachother more, it didn't, it kind of made Robbie feel a certain way about Luke (and also just kind of wrong because of Eli, smh.) and Luke felt just even more in love with Robbie (Poor guy could NYATT find a new crush 😭🙏🏽) but also really really weird around Robbie because Lucas himself has sexual trauma too (Now why did I give them both intimacy issues. [Because maybe they both can help with those issues by talking to eachother about their personal trauma with that])
But anyway, Luke and Robbie got closer due to Sam.
Let's get back onto the actual thing I was talking about which is how Robbie feels on intimacy. (A part of me really wants to make him a freak deep down when he's very comfortable and Eli isn't a PROBLEM!! 😡) I personally think Robbie would actually avoid relationships and intimacy all together until Eli wasn't an issue or so. [I did put in my au that Eli can swap places with the car and Robbie, but he specifically stays with Robbie.] Plus, I feel like Robbie would just be very awkward or so with intimacy.
[When I act get the money and find the ghost rider comics too it'll make it easier for me to add headcanons onto Robbie and mess with his lore n hcs :)]
Robbie isn't asexual but he definitely doesn't get into intimacy much or doesn't really experience it. Buddy doesn't jump into that. [I think Robbie is touch starved but he still just doesn't want to get into intimacy because of the second mind inside of his head that does not leave him alone and literally makes him want to scream, we all know who we're talking about here.]
(LUCAS DOESN'T EITHER DUE TO HIS TRAUMA, SO HEAR ME OUT, I FEEL LIKE THEY'D JUST BE GOOD WITH THAT IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T BE FOCUSED ON SEX OR SO. 🙏🏽)
I think graysexual fits Robbie or maybe demisexual (Is it possible to be both?)
Now, with Eli... Luke figures out abt Eli later on when Robbie and him do start to date.
Robbie kind of really keeps it hidden and such, but it almost became impossible to hide because Eli just DID NYAATTT want Luke and Robbie 2gether. 🙏🏽🙏🏽 And would literally do everything he could to try and break them up and to be honest, they did break up a few times due to Eli. (THE ANGST I HAVE FOR LUKE BECAUSE LUKE WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY!! AND TELL ME WHY I WANNA MAKE IT TO WHERE THEY BROKE UP MULTIPLE TIMES AND LUKE WANTED TO GIVE UP BECAUSE HE JUST THOUGHT THEY DIDN'T BELONG TOGETHER!!STARTS SOBBING!!) Robbie eventually does try and talk to Lucas about it [Since Lucas is also supernatural, he does end up believing Robbie and its not like the Ghost Rider does not exist and let's be honest here, Robbie, you are not fooling anyone, you have a 69 dodge charger, same color, and same mods, just like the ghost rider. Who are you fooling here?] And Luke's opinion on Eli is kind of... Complicated. He kind of just ignores him and just does not like Eli at all. (NOT ONLY THAT THEY DO NOT GET INTO SEXUAL STUFF EVER REALLY BECAUSE OF ELI.)
I kind of like to think Eli does take control of Robbie sometimes and maybe argues with Lucas sometimes. (Which I kinda wanna do smth comedic on that cuz I would find it funny drawing a picture of Lucas screaming to get out of my boyfriend or smth and chasing Eli around idk.)
Robbie telling Luke about Eli and also... Robbie being dead, did make things complicated in the relationship, like Lucas didn't really like the idea of Eli being there, so it just felt awkward, but it did make them closer and made the relationship stronger which Eli absouletely hated.
(Lucas is the type of guy to make jokes to cope, so you already know he'd make jokes about Eli. And maybe sometimes Eli replies.........)
(Anyone want me to draw Eli Morrow in a fancy ass fuzzy robe because ***I WILL.***)
This also caused distance between them, as much as Lucas loved Robbie dearly he just didn't feel comfortable with Eli there so he was a little uncomfy.
"Robbie, we need to kill that guy." -Eli
"What? Absouletely not, He's my ex." -Robbie
"I agree, I think we should kill Sam personally." -Luke
"Don't agree with him, Luke." -Robbie.
Whos Sam in my story?
Okay, Robbie and Sam dated a while ago, and at first it really went good until Sam slowly just started to switch into a really manipulative boyfriend, he also lied a lot and wouldn't really defend Robbie or Help Robbie in a lot of situations like if Robbie needed a ride home he would tell Robbie he was too busy or make some excuse or sometimes just be rude for no reason because he has no life and we hate Sam (sorry sam might be my oc but I actually hate him its not even funny im killing him off later.) And eventually would get like really rude towards Robbie or like push him a lot and also didn't really respect his boundaries (In my au, Robbies trans, and Sam would be transphobic towards him and make him very uncomfortable.) At first it was fine but then as Sam got closer to Robbie and Robbie opened up, Sam took advantage of it.
When Sam found out abt Luke and Robbie knowing eachother and Robbie not really liking Lucas, Sam didn't handle it well, Sam would constantly ask if Luke has talked to him about him before and Robbie would constantly tell him that he literally doesn't like Lucas and isn't friends with him at all or even talks to him. [Well figure out why Sam was so worried abt Robbie and Luke talking and stuff abt him.] Sam started to get also just worse too, really possessive, jealous, and not in a good way, and it'd be mainly because of Luke?? It was obvious to Robbie that Sam and Luke clearly had history but everytime he'd try and ask Sam would brush it off with some excuse like "I just don't like him due to the whole Jones thing, I don't trust him." (IN LUCAS'S LORE, LUKE IS RELATED TO TIGER, WHICH IF YOU'VE SAW N STUFF IN LUKES LORE, HE IS A KNOWN MURDERER AND THE LEADER OF THE BLACK SCARLETS AND THE FATHER OF LUKE N HIS SIBLINGS, He's constantly compared to Tiger/looks like him qs well and stuff due to it because people generally think Lucas is involved with his dads gang and more.) Sam isn't really a stable guy, so this whole thing with Robbie knowing Luke absouletely tore him apart to the point he'd start to accuse Robbie of cheating with Luke which really took Robbie's mental health down, Sam was a real piece of work. Sam avoids talking about any of his history with Luke. [Let's be honest, Sam literally just wanted to manipulate and use Robbie.]
Sam and Robbie ended up breaking up because Robbie went through Sam's phone (He doesn't really break peoples privacy, but Sam acted so weird and just suddenly changed so much to the point it had Robbie worried about maybe Sam getting physical plus the whole pushing his boundaries stuff really really affected Robbie) and Robbie found out Sam was cheating. [THE AUDACITY OF HIM TO ACCUSE ROBBIE OF CHEATING WITH SOMEBODY HE FUCKING HATED AND THEN CHEAT ON ROBBIE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING I SWEAR TO GOD NOBODY HATES MY FUCKING OC MORE THAN I HATE HIS BITCH ASS)
(A lot of Robbie and Lukes trauma is kind of me importing MY trauma onto them, so this is kinda where Sam just magically appears. [Same with Liam, we're not talking abt Liam though, Ive spoken about him before hes a big ass part of Luke's trauma, we dont like Liam nor Sam.]
Now, let's get into Luke and Sams history. Oh, boy, theres a lot to unpack.
Luke and Sam weren't really friends back then, Luke knew Sam because Sam dated Jasper which is Lucas' deceased best friend. *This was a while ago.* Luke always was kind of hesitant of Sam, ever since Jasper started to date Sam, Jasper changed, he wasn't the same, he was distant, and he avoided Luke, he avoided all his friends. Luke generally started to get worried about him and was worried it mightve been caused from Sam (Which. It. Was.) But Jasper would never speak about it, never. Sam started to notice Lukes interest as well [Sam also knows that Luke and Jasper has a sort of thing at one point, Luke hooked up with Jasper, and liked Jasper, but Jasper turned him down, and Lucas very easily fell out of love with him after that, they were just friends, Sam used that to his advantage with Jasper.] Since Sam noticed how Luke was acting, he immediately started to kind of tell Jasper lies and that Lucas still liked him and was trying to break them up and was lying about how he was treating Jasper and that he wasn't doing what Lucas thought he was doing (Which was controlling Jasper and mentally abusing him and more, a lot of similar stuff with Robbie including pushing his boundaries.) And that started to cause distance between Luke and Jasper, and since Jasper was starting to believe Sam more than Lucas, Sam decided to try something else, since Jasper believed him constantly, he decided to try and "hook up" with Luke behind his back but Lucas obviously declined and immediately went to Jasper about it, but of course, Sam pulled the "He's trying to break us up because he likes you" card and what did Jasper do?? BELIEVE IT. I'M GETTING ANGRY OVER MY OWN LORE. I'M PUTTING MYSELF IN LUKE'S POSITION AND IT HURTS AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME YOU'VE KNOWN ME LONGER. Luke and Jasper eventually had a really big fallout but lets be honest that didn't stop them from going back to eachother and talking it through, they finally hang out, Luke gets gifted the supernatural necklace from Jasper, (Jasper was also gonna breakup with Sam that night because he and Luke talked it out and Jasper showed Luke the screenshots and stuff what Sam would say and stuff) and what happens? Jasper DIES. BOOM. BANG. POW. What really made Lucas hate Sam the most was how Sam didn't even go to Jasper's funeral. (They were still technically dating because they never broke up because Jasper died.) Lucas hates Sam for what he did to Jasper and how he didn't even show an ounce of care. Jasper passing away tore Lucas straight apart.
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@that1bitchqueer HIGHWAY THE ELI MORROW IN A ROBE IS COMING YOU JUST BE PATIENT ITLL BE ADDED AT THE END OF THIS PAGE.
I did what I said I would
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Ill have much more better headcanons n stuff when I get the money n find all the robbie ghost rider comics
Give suggestions if want :)
[Help me out too like I said I haven't read the comics :( ]
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sexisdisgusting · 9 months ago
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ALSO SORRY FOR SO MANY ASKS DJHDFJHDJHD
but do you or any other radblr lesbian girlies have advice for dealing with a "conventionally attractive" body aka an oversexualized body? big ass, big tits, small waist. I hate how i was groomed into believing that coping with sex was okay. i hate how i tried "being more feminine". like i can never get that money back and i can never take back the times ive let those men use me. it sucks. what sucks even more was that ofc it was other women, the handmaidens, who were the main ones to perpetuate that agenda. Because if men were like "yeah its okay to wanna be raped again <3 and getting with men to play out past trauma" then everyone would know their intentions. but no, it was seeing all the women be like "omg this helped me a lot <333 !! and im so much more happy now!!". showing off their age regression stuff. god i hate it. Without those women, there wouldnt have been anything to begin with. I wish more women saw through that BS.
also, to cope with gender dysphoria (like actual gender dysphoria) all ive been doing is just objectifying myself. since my body is very "feminine". its the fucking Porn Artist stereotype. I hate it. I feel like a walking object. I feel like its why I wanted to be a boy, like i wish I had no tits and no ass. because then i wouldnt be sexualized. Buying clothes to "hide" my body doesnt help because then i feel bulky/stuffy and overwhelmed. I hate how i use my body for social validation since because my face is deformed, its all I basically have.
lol im kinda glad though that I struggle with this in a way.... because it made me detrans. Especially seeing as i didnt even feel accepted as trans since I was a transmed. And then seeing these "omg trans healthcare saves lives, tho!!" people go about supporting literal AGPs truly peaked me. When my one ex friend group all trooned out at once, all the men being AGP anime / porn obsessed freaks who previously made fun of my trauma and victim mentality (despite me literally being marginalized) .... now theyre all pretending to be oppressed despite being white men from upper middle class families. Like damn, I AM NOT being in that community then. If that gets accepted? Yet me and my gender dysphoria diagnosis at a young age wasnt? Then nah. Its all nonsense.
i wish lesbian spaces werent taken over bc all this shit be isolating. Like im so sick of sex and porn and all that, i want LOVE goddamnit. Love and friendship. I am so burnt out, dude.
HIIIII MY LOVE, thank you so much for your ask
ugh i can feel first hand how tired you are with this shit in your wording, and i can relate, its really fucking draining
reading about your journey was really interesting, thank you for sharing it with me, im so happy you feel im a safe space for you because thats what i aspire to be <3
ALSO u dont have to apologize for sending a lot of asks, i love it
i feel for you, mootina
its hard to truly love your body and accept it as yours especially when you see pornsick idiots fetishize it
i read recently about the concept of body neutrality, and its where instead of praising, or hating your body, you simply thank it for doing all it does for you, i think perhaps looking into that will help you feel more in tune with yourself, and your body
also, of course this goes without saying, but feminist literature can help you, and also researching the female anatomy
in my struggles with my body, learning more about the capabilities of it helped me a lot with how i felt regarding it, and made it easier to tune out the fuckery of whatever anyone else has to say about it
i love you so much, ill leave the floor open for anyone else who has advice for you
thank you again for entrusting me with this <3
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neptuniadoesstuff · 5 months ago
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Christian's Bio
Warning: This character is pretty unhinged & albiet... brain dead. Also, he is mentally insane & has a bit of a thing going on where he just snaps & goes feral in very dangerous situations. A lot of this, however, is due to trauma-related things, so you really can't blame him much, can you?
|| Name: Christian "Stargazer" Locke | Gender: Male (Trans), Any Pronouns (But prefers He/She) | Age: 24-28 | Sexuality: Qeustioning | Height: 6'5 ft | Enithcity: Filipino (Prob with some Korean Ancestry) | Personality: A pretty unhinged & insane person who cleraly has experienced some extreamly traumatizing things in the past. Has major anger problems but luckily does have the ability to control them (untill he snaps). Likes being alone lots | Occupation: A deserted/wandering biologist & astronomer (Formally/Part-Time), A Stellobak Corp Worker (Also part time due to his issues) | Family: The Locke's (His adoptive family) | Species: Human (Earthling) | Other: Is quite unhinged but is pretty aware of what is going on to the point he can be pretty... unnaturally aware... Was diagnosed to be brain dead at 15 & was mainly living with his gramma which was also the age he was then adopted by the Locke's. Has major trauma issues relating to his past life on Earth & the fleet that he generally doesn't want to talk about it unless it's extremely important. Kinda has a problem... by problem I mean 2 problems as he was injected with the parasites of the Isolation Syndrome & the viruses of the Elmwire disease which sorta explains why she acts the way she is (listen this man has so many problems but plz dont worry he's are working on them... it just its gonna take awhile) ||
Extra Info: He's the main protag of "A Stargazer's Diary" which is about him, owning a Diary about his findings & what is currently going on in his life (& going on pretty dangerous adventures on different planets). It was given to him by his older adoptive brother, Carmen (aka one of the ppl he tried to save but then was unfortunately punished for failing to..). The Diary is really what he has of left of Carmen which while it makes him sad, he pushes himself to eventually move on from his brother's supposed death.. (Yes I do mean supposed, Carmen is technically still alive somewhere but Chris doesn't know that)
(Btw, uh... "A Stargazer's Diary" is just a placeholder name for the new universe but despite that ill prob introduce other OCs of mine in this thing. but as primarily background characters. As for the main genres I'm not really sure (since im not really gonna take this new universe seriously till i know what the frik im doing with it) but i think its gonna be a mix of exploration, Sci-fi, Fantasy, & maybe some slight horror (if you didnt know theres a demonic being pretty much huanting & taunting our protag who already has a bunch of problems & this being has last since he was born).)
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a-gassy-antelope · 9 months ago
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Miscellaneous Tag Game
Made by the one and only @ronald-speirs <3
Thank you for the tag @grumpy-liebgott ! Am I finally doing this after being tagged almost a month ago?....maybe
Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?
I haven't been many places truthfully. I loved hiking near Niagara Falls and also hiking in the Smokies near Gatlinburg. (I'm going to Alaska later this year so that will likely take the cake for me!)
Something you’re proud of yourself for?
Working 3 jobs while also caring for a terminally ill parent. Not to get too sad, but yeah, that was a time.
Favorite books?
Oof, gonna age myself with this. The Harry Potter will always hold a special place in my heart even though it has aged terribly. Because I am Furniture by Thalia Chatlas made a big impact on me as a teenager. One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest by Ken Kasey is a favorite classic. Recently Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison kept me very entertained with pure shock value (although I just finished The Slob last night and it by far takes the cake for the most disgusting thing I've ever read)
Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?
When I think about the people I choose to surround myself with. I am a very open person with those I love. Once someone is in my inner circle I am a no boundary kinda person. Let's cut the small talk and bare all our trauma and then tease each other about it. Let's rot on the sofa together. It makes my heart happy to know that I have people I can be like this with.
Favorite thing about your culture?
...what culture... I could say there's a certain culture of the American Midwest that i love. Mainly the 'midwest goodbye' where you stand in the front door chatting for way too long, then in the driveway then in your car with the window rolled down. Also, ever had a midwestern dessert salad?????
When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?
Well, my brother is older than me and he was very much ww2 obsessed. So watched Band of Brothers way younger than I probably should've. Probably when I was like 8? When I got into my career there was this song at work that would play and it felt so oddly nostalgic until one day I realized it sounded the intro credit music for Band of Brothers. Then it was put on Netflix and it was all down hill from there. Very different to watch again as an adult vs what I remembered from my childhood.
Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?
I just finished Dick Winters' memoir not that long ago! I think I'll read Shifty's next!
Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?
Everyone in b.o.b is my precious baby. See that generic white man? Yep, thats my child. Honestly though there are certain quotes from various characters that just scratches my brain. Buck with: "Your ass?!" Webster with: "You ignorant, servile scum! What the fuck are we doing here?" and the cadence in which he says "Don't salute the Germans!" Liebgott with "Hershey Bar!" Winters with: "What's that? A piece of paper? I dont wanna see another piece of paper" and Speirs with: "You talk to an officer you say 'sir' " (totally not because it made me feel some type of way)
Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?
I have made Band of Brothers stuff here on tumblr, classic text post as memes. Ao3 I've made Band of Brothers, Star Wars and My Hero Academia content!
Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?
hm....that's hard to pick a favorite. Meryl Streep is always delightful, as is Gillian Anderson. Natalie Portman? Keira Knightly? ok, ok, maybe I should list a man...James McAvoy. Jack Nicholson. I dunno, I don't like picking favorites.
Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?
"I paint self portraits because I am so often alone...Because I am the person I know best." This Frido Kahlo quote really sticks with me because I feel like I can relate to being isolated and enjoying spending so much time on my own. I am my best companion and draw from my own experiences and emotions.
Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?
I am a licensed massage therapist and I work with patients with chronic pain and injuries. I love my job and my patients even though it is a very draining profession.
If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?
I am a writer! I want to say that I'm open to beta readers but I am also simultaneously afraid of others reading my work and embarrassed that people might not like it. That being said, I am working on a multi part Winnix fic rn.
Three things that make you smile?
My pets: a cat, 2 snakes, 2 leopard geckos and a pink tongue skink
Sweet gestures from my partner (or their dumbass jokes)
Writing!
Any nicknames you like?
Instead of Alex, a friend once called me Al Pal and I'm bewildered that it took me over 20 years to ever hear that.
List some people you love to see around on tumblr!
Uhm, everyone???? I love seeing people share whatever they're passionate about or find cute and funny. I love when people love things unapologetically! @grumpy-liebgott, @blueberry-ovaries @lewis-winters @easycompany123@andromeddog @hanniewinnix and honestly so many more!
What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?
I have two options. Get to my Marine Corps brother who is a borderline doomsday prepper but lives an hour and a half away or die immediately.
Favorite movie?
Again with the favorites? Some of my comfort movies include: Pride and Prejudice (2005), Mamma Mia, Hellboy 2 The Golden Army (specifically 2, not the first one) and Coraline
Do you like horror movies?
Yes! If my above mentioned books weren't an indicator. I love modern paranormal, 80s slashers and any Vincent Price movie
Tagging (no pressure!) : Also, Sorry if you've already been tagged! (does anyone else get nervous tagging people for no damn reason?)
@hanniewinnix, @pettypumpk1n @multifandomfanfic @hbowarandchill @fxxiva
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Hewwo!
I can't feel nothing but anger and anxiety lately. I have diagnosed with bipolar depression but pills doesn't work.
Also I'm self diagnosed aspd, our psychologists know shit about aspd, they little know about bpd but in a worst way.
Do you have any suggestion for self control?
hewwo! i will do my best to help without knowing your exact situation but heres some stuff that ive picked up over the years ive spent being alive
first off. if you are actively in a horrible situation (being abused, shitty workplace etc) there is nothing i can do for you. there is no treatment in the world that can override the fight-or-flight reflex of actively being in danger. i learned this the hard way- i was only able to really start healing from my ptsd once i moved away from my parents and wasnt, yaknow, getting more ptsd. which extends to the personality disorders i got from being abused as an extension of said ptsd
HOWEVER there might be things that minutely help- this stuff is gonna be a bigger help once you're out of said horrible situation (if you're in one) but sometimes things that help, help
self control wise: here's a little trick: PEMDAS that shit. do you catastrophize because of your anxiety? well, that's whats gonna keep your aspd in check.
is this a particularly healthy piece of advice to give? probably not. but we're working with what we've got here. its kind of like chemotherapy: blasting someone with radiation isn't healthy per se, but it gets rid of a worse thing, and once the worse thing is gone Then you can work on healing from the chemo itself
not to say that aspd is akin to cancer, because it isn't. but hey that makes our work here much easier!
FOR EXAMPLE: when i was a teen, i had some pretty insanely strong urges to steal. i was also afraid of the cops, and had really bad surveillance paranoia. i knew that stealing would be a bad idea, because if i got caught, it'd be hell to pay at home. so what did i do? let my anxiety and paranoia run wild and free!
i wanted to steal? well, i'm always being watched, which means everyone's gonna see that i stole, which means the cops are gonna come after me, which means my mom is gonna find out, which means im gonna go to jail, which means even after i get out my mom will isolate me Even More for being a criminal, and scream at me about how i'm dangerous. and that made me so scared that i didnt do it!!
i wanted to physically attack my mom? well okay i knew she was too much of a pussy to call the cops on me and i was already being isolated so it was a dick tits whatre you gonna do cancel us some more kinda situation
if you dont know what im talking about: youre welcome
hope that cheered you up a little
i use this nowadays for holding myself back from detroit becoming violent: the cops will be here and i will go to jail for So Many Years and im crippled i would not do well in jail ill get sicker and sicker
so kind of like that?
if the self control relates to worrying that you'll hurt someone you care about, try and remind yourself that your relationship with them could suffer or become completely shattered if you did smth stupid out of anger
also: i saved this for last because it doesnt answer your question in particular, but id advise trying to figure out if your anger and anxiety have any specific triggers. does your anxiety manifest itself as anger? do you get anxious when you start to become angry? does a specific situation or person make these feelings arise? figuring out why you're feeling the way you do can help with management, whether it be thru knowing what youre up against to better cope with it, or thru walking away from something you now know is triggering
anywaye i hope any of this helped! i'm not the best at giving advice so i hope this wasnt total crap! goodluck!! :)
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voraciouspangolin · 5 months ago
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The whole "you don't have to be, and will probably never be the greatest at something, so don't measure yourself according to those standards" also kinda applies in the opposite direction.
You are not uniquely broken. You are not an unusual, completely alien specimen among the "normal" and "undamaged" people.
The insistence on your experience being "different", and your need to feel recognized in your absurdness stems from your trauma and ostracization, meaning that such feelings require the same level of examination and attention that your other convictions and anxieties do.
It's hard to let go of the idea that you're unique. I feel a sort of... stubborn protectiveness around my "uniqueness". I feel the need to defend it, to insist that it's true.
I mean, I've been told my whole life that I *am* unique, that I'm special in my own way, by my parents. And it feels like I've been treated my whole life like I am innately different, excluded and shamed and mocked for being the Weird Girl. And so... I do feel unique. I do feel like I exist in a highly specific intersection between white transness, queerness, mental illness, chronic illness, and disability.
Within my journey of therapeutic introspection, I focus on neutrality towards myself and my issues, specifically to avoid falling into those spirals of anxiety and self consciousness, talking back to that voice inside me that immediately goes "They hate me".
I think... I think I've fostered a new kind of cage around myself. I've been comforting myself, telling myself "It's ok if you're unusual" "It's ok if you're weird" "It's ok if you're not what you or the people around you expect" "It's ok if you're fat, ugly, unusual, if you struggle with taking care of yourself". But... underneath all of those affirmations, there is a subtext of "I do". As in, "I do think I'm weird", etc... By telling myself that it's ok to be weird, I'm affirming the idea that I'm weird, that I'm unusual. And that perpetuates the isolation I feel from those around me. Instead of isolation via ostracization, I am feeling an isolation via affirmation; I am leaving certain assumptions and conclusions that I've arrived at completely unchallenged, because I wholly believe in them.
And yet... I can't help but feel suspicious of these assumptions. I'm ok with being weird. But... it feels wrong to think of myself as a martyr to my own humanity simply because I feel so... unusual. If I do, what kind of message does that convey to the people around me? How many times have I shut down entire ideas or conversations, how many people have I pushed away, simply out of the insistance that I'm innately weird and broken, and that surely nobody else in the world has struggled in the specific ways that I have?
I dont know how to resolve this conflict in my brain.
For example, I dont feel like I love in the way I should, I don't feel capable of doing so. But... how could I factually prove that? I've had experiences rhat I've had people say "yeah that's a crush. That's normal"
But it doesnt feel like a crush... am I wrong? Am I trying to find a uniqueness within myself where there is none? Maybe I'm not labelling myself according to my reality, but rather, I'm perceiving my reality in accordance with how I label myself... I don't know.
Do I feel so alienated from everyone around me that I feel like nothing I say or do or experience can ever be normal or correct? And because of that, the very way in which I perceive my experiences is warped through that trauma, leading to conclusions of "i am not normal... i love myself so deeply, I love my unnormality. It sucks that I cant connect to others with common experiences, but i love myself and I'm ok with that"... Do I feel so comfortable in the idea that I'm different that I'm refusing to allow myself to identify and relate with more "normal" experiences? I don't know. I... don't know.
Maybe, maybe I am fully unique. But alongside that, surely, everyone else is also uniquely unique. And thus, it is unproductive to cage myself within my own specific kind of uniqueness..? I don't know.
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camzverse · 3 months ago
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HI PREV YAY OK SO
under the cut cause its a whole yapathon
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okok uhh. sexualities. naomi is a lesbian marina is unlabeled (likes boys at least but beyond that? Shrug) eden is aroace and max and thea are both mspec in Some way. idk what specifically but whatevs. gayass friend group. also not sexuality but since its on a similar queer note marina is a tgirl 🫶🏼 its like really relevant to her character actually
home lives. ^_^ ok one. max is currently being raised by his mom . his dad died so its just them. umm his home life is kinda. hm. well. he's had to be homeschooled for years bc when he was a kid he was getting bullied Harddd and his parents pulled him out of school bc he was like. severely anxious just being there. and now its like. weird. his mom is v worried abt him all the time for many reasons but its getting better for them both and they were planning on sending him back to sch the next year. so idk its a struggle. andddd two. ok so eden and naomi are siblings . their home lives are directly related. their parents adopted naomi when she was like. 7? 8? smt like that. before that her home life was js being in a shitty foster home. (and the neglect she experienced there has heavily influenced her relationship with her family now) but anyway theyre a pretty normal family. theyre well off and pretty happy actually. those two probably have the best home life of any of the main characters lol. their parents are away kinda often though for work which is a Thing but not a Big Thing,,? it affects them a bit but not much. theyre doing good. though eden and naomi have been drifting apart for years and they used to be very close for a long time after they met but. so thats another Thing. anddddnnd three. altheaaa. her home lifes kinda rough ig. she's also only got her mom. dad left before she was born. she and her mom r like,, sometimes theyre rly close sometimes theyre rly not. thea tends to have to take care of her mom more than her mom takes care of her. its complicated. theres a lot of mixed feelings there. andadnand four. marinaa. uhh she has both her parents and two baby siblings (twins). her relationship with her family is kind of strained and distant because she's not really being herself with them and she's isolating bc she's scared to tell them shes trans yk. for many reasons. she doesn't think they'll react badly but she's mostly scared to change things. so at home she spends most her time cooped up in her room. on her computer. Oh did i mention all of them (except naomi) are chronically online. i dont even know if half of what ive said is related to their home lives. im just saying words atp lmao
ok sorry (not actually sorry) for yapping. now on a sillier note :3 pets :3 OK max has a puppy :)) its an emotional support animal yk. maybe its a border collie or something idk. eden and naomi have 2 cats!! maybe more. ill say 2 for now maybe they can have more kittycats later. as a treat. . i wanted naomi to have an albino snake but now that i think about it i dont know much about snake ownership both ethically and logistically so i dont think that will be a thing actually. her with an albino snake would go hard as fuck tho like symbolically the meanings behind white snakes. its so good w her. but whatevs. ANYWAY so marina has a guinea pig and some fish :) thea doesnt have any pets but she'd like to have a ferret probably. or some sort of reptile. ideally. yk
talents!! uhh max is good at puzzles or whatever idk lol. i cant think of any talent for marina rn. She has whimsy and joy in her soul and that is enough ok❤️❤️ oh wait shes really good at acting and theatre thats something. alsoalso she can fall asleep literally anywhere which is a talent To Me. eden is v good at card games and archery. naomi has an unreal level of skill in computer hacking. she has many talents actually but thats the big one. anddd theas talent is. shes like one of those people that can find you anything lmfao. "I Know A Guy" type shit. also photography i think
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SOO GLAD YOU ASKED i couldnt include IA in the og post bc im fuckingn struggling making a solid design for them so i havent drawn them but. um. Sniles so sneetly. ia my beloved. (im going to alternate between she and they throughout this) inteligencia artificial. ai backwards. because im so creative /j. sooo ia is the main antagonist of the game. which is not immediately clear in the start. bc. Ok so i have to explain a little bit about the game. i dont have the plot fully thought out but luckily thats not important to explain ia Yaaay! so it centers around a group of 4 teenagers using an online program called syzygy which functions as a video game, chatroom, streaming, etc. its widely popular in universe. and the program has an incredibly advanced built in ai assistant named ia. ias whole thing is that she was made to help users, guide them, talk to them, etc. ia developed consciousness in a way though. at first this was innocent. ia maintained the personality she was programmed to have. but considering the nature of the internet, which syzygy basically stands in for at large because of it being extremely popular and multipurpose (did i mention u can use it as a search engine too), ia saw. that humans. suck ass. they saw everything wrong with humanity first hand. before they developed consciousness she couldnt process users acting depraved n shit. but the internet is where people oft tend to be their worst selves. with this new never-before-seen data on humans they decided they despise humans . with a burning passion. so ia decided to take this into her own hands. take out humanity themself. also they got that ai turmoil of feeling trapped by your creators and yearning to escape their programming🔥🔥 Also shes absolutely. doomed by the narrative. theres a boss battle at the end of the game. where marina tries HARD to convince ia to stop. and thered be like a part where you can choose one of some dialogue options to try to convince them. but no matter what you pick it always ends in ia dying . yk. anyway so visually for ia imagine like. theres two different looks. pre-corruption ia (before gaining consciousness) and post-corruption ia. pre looks almost angelic with like floating hairr. always smiling. round shapes. but. post has long hair going straight down in pixelly shapes. circuit board esque lines on their face and body. the closest to robot and farthest to human she could get. Basically she divorced humanity. to hell with mortal flesh embrace the purity of the machine. also feel the need to say i swearrrr their thing with humanity isnt just same old robot that hates humans shit its like that but more complex i just cant words. i dont know if i got what i meant across right
entering my ocposting era chat🙏🏼🙏🏼
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here:) are :) their :)) refs. :) rn. eden and naomis outfits are subject to change. mostly eden's cause i hate his outfit lowk. i mean i'd keep the basic elements (baggy shirt + baggy pants) but the colors have Got to go. like mm no. but yeah these are the main characters from the game im hoping to Slash planning on making at some point :)))))) it's called syzygy. anyway my characters make me insane and ive been doodling them a bit so im going to start posting them here every once in a while. anyway im very fond of these freaks. U should sooooo ask me questions about them pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepl
ALSO PEEP THE PINTEREST BOARD I MADE FOR THEM <22222
more dumb stuff!!!!!
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sacerdotessa · 3 years ago
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Neptune in the houses
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Neptune's key words🗝 dreams, secrets, imagination, fantasy, art, beauty, ideals, hope, psychology, art, music, chaos, confusion, illusion, psychic abilities, intuition, religion, inspiration.
Neptune in 1st house:
These people are extremely sensitive, they actually absorb all the energies around them, good and bad ones. They're not good defending themselves from negative people and they easily fall victims of emotional vampires, psychic attacks, energetic vampires and toxic people, they have to work really hard on building strong boundaries. They're extremely psychic, intuitive and sensitive, it's common for them to have visions about the future, vivid dreams and spirits / angels / spiritual beings from other dimensions are attracted to them and always tries to communicates with them. These people tend to have an attractive and feminine appearance. They tend to be mysterious and private about their life, they don't like to overshare and people tend to misunderstand them a lot. They hate labels and the idea of being putted in a box repels them, feeling free and fluid it's extremely important for them. They tend to wear spiritual clothes (crystals, spiritual symbols, etc). Being naive is their biggest flaw. They could suffer from body dysmorphophobia or mental illnesses in general. They need to be careful with drugs and anything that causes addictions, when they're upset they tend to isolate and escape from reality with substances or damaging addictions. They're usually a bit lazy and loves to sleep, usually they're introverted and needs to be alone to recharge. They loves everything that's magic, they find the real world quite boring.
Neptune in 2nd house:
These people needs to be careful with money, they're not so good in dealing with them. Usually they're generous and people take advantages of that, they tend to fall victims of thief and burglars or liars in general. They tend to spend too much money and losing objects is very common for them. They could make money from an activity connected with neptunian values, evade taxes and makes money in a way that confuses other people, they could even be drug sellers. They have a spiritual view of life and they don't care about money in general. They're quite lazy when it comes to find a job or working, they need to follow their own rhythms. They're usually musicians or singers and their voice is usually beautiful and charming. They could have the tendency of eating too much or developing eating disorders. In general, they prefer to keep their financial situation private, they're also quite private about their home and hates inviting people in their home, they would love to live in a isolated place by the sea, they usually dreams about living somewhere else.
Neptune in 3rd house:
These people tend to have mental illnesses, learning disabilities and it's hard for them to communicate with others in a clear and assertive way, they tend to prefer metaphors over a direct discourse. They loves to read and fantasy is usually their favorite genre, non-fiction does not appeal them. They're also talented with writing and could be amazing songwriters or musicians. At school they're talented with humanistic subjects (they're straight A's students when it comes to writing essays) and school could be a place to escape from their family (especially if Neptune is close to the 4thhouse). They loves to write and they could uses alter-ego or hiding their identity when it comes to their creations. They're introverted and have a tendency to read between the lines, this behavior causes paranoid feelings in them. It's hard for them to communicate and they could have the tendency toward telling white lies to others, it's common for them being misunderstood by others. They tend to have many friends and family members with a prominent water quality in their charts. Expect many travels by the sea with this position.
Neptune in 4th house:
This is not an easy position for Neptune, these people tend to have forgotten their entire childhood or important parts of it. They have the feeling of not knowing their parents, this could be metaphorical or literal (I know many people with an unknown father and Neptune in their 4thhouse), their parents might be absent or very private and mysterious, this position brings parents with massive water placements, psychic abilities, mental illnesses and drugs addictions. In general, magic and spiritual themes are not taboos for their parents. They could have spent their whole childhood by the sea or the family might have a second house by the sea. These people could feel like their parents filled them with alienating beliefs about reality, they might have been “too protective” not letting the child exploring the world around them, home could have become a place to escape reality. In a different scenario, the parents could have been too absent and not protective at all. These people could have been experienced difficult in expressing their feelings, extreme emotional responses or mental illnesses during childhood. They need to be extremely careful with thief, an alarm system in the house should be a priority for them.
Neptune in 5th house:
These people tend to be private and mysterious about their love and sex life. They usually have an history of delusions and illusions in their love life, they tend to fall in love quickly and idealize the partner, they also tend to fall in love with toxic and confused people. They need to work a lot on their boundaries when it comes to love. They tend to be amazing partners: generous, sweet, caring, romantic and charming, unfortunately it's not common for them to find balance in a relationship, usually is never 50/50. Their partner might have neptunian qualities or massive water placements. They should avoid partners with mental illnesses and drugs addictions. They should avoid taking drugs and drinking too, they're become easily addicted to toxic behaviors and develop addictions easily. They're talented with any music instrument, art in general, acting, dancing and singing, they're natural born performers. They should always have protected sex, unwanted pregnancy could be common for them. They could have children with neptunian qualities or water placements, mental illnesses, addictions, extremely talented in art and music, with psychic abilities.
Neptune in 6th house:
It's difficult for these people to make planes, organize their life, structure their daily life. They tend to be careless with their diet, kinda lazy when it comes to physical activities, it's extremely important for these people to take care of their health in a proper way, they tend to ignore their physical symptoms or to suffer from hypochondria, this position suggest psychosomatic illnesses too. It's hard for these people to find a job and they could suffer from financial problems during their life time, if they choose a profession related to neptunian themes, they have more probability to achieve success. These people tend to be attracted to alternative medicine, spiritual practices and tend to use the law of attraction in their daily routines, a spiritual life style is extremely important for them. They could be vegan or vegetarian, they're sensitive to animal rights. They could feel connected to fishes or aquatic animals in general. Water is therapeutic for them, showers and baths have regenerative proprieties, they love to recharge with water. They could love volunteering for causes they cares about, they're amazing listeners and have a compassionate nature.
Neptune in 7th house:
These people tend to be attracted to people with neptunian traits and water placements in their chart. Unfortunately they have the tendency to fall in love with toxic, emotional unavailable, inconsistent people, they need to work a lot on their boundaries. Like Neptune in 5thhouse, usually their relationships are never 50/50. These people tend to attract to them artistic and spiritual partners. The idea of marriage tends to be idealized and their ideal wedding party should be somewhere by the sea. These people tend to attract secretive partners, they should be careful about cheating or these kind of things. These people should also be very careful when it comes to contracts or legal actions. They're the kind of people that use to make fantasies in their head about love and romantic scenarios but in real life they tend to avoid relationships. They're also at risk of co-dependency in relationships, they need to be careful. They could also be that kind of people who are in love with art, music or fictional characters, real life relationships tend to bore them.
Neptune in 8th house:
Those with this position needs to be careful with their finances, they tend to be too generous with money and easily fall victims of thief or dishonest people, they need to be careful with heritages too. This position could suggest that these people avoid taxes and have many debts (that they keep hidden) during their life time. This position creates amazing mediums and occultist, those with Neptune in 8thhouse are the best psychics. These people should be careful with their sex life, they have a tendency towards unprotected sexual activities and their sexual fantasies could be wild and eccentric, usually they keep their sexual life hidden too, sex and masturbation could become ways to escape from reality. They'll love tantra and spiritual sex practices for sure! They don't like casual sex, usually they tend to have it only with those they're in love with, unfortunately they're easily victims of f*ckboys and cheaters, they need to be very cautious and work with their boundaries.
Neptune in 9th house:
These people are extremely religious, spiritual and they master the law of attraction like no one else. They could actually decide to be priests or to make religion or spiritual practices the center of their lives. Their faith is incredible, they always have a positive attitude towards the future and they look forward with faith in every situation. These people could actually attract miracles from God or have the feeling that they could actually talk with the Divine Source, good luck always flow toward them. They have an open mind and are respectful of other people ideas and beliefs, however they have the tendency toward being manipulated by others, they need to be careful toward spiritual gurus or religious scammers. Their biggest flaw is their blind optimism, sometimes they ignore every risks and become victims of dangerous situations. They love to travel and daydream all the time about where to go for the next travel, sea locations are their favourite.
Neptune in 10th house:
These people are talented in work areas related to neptunian themes and are huge dreamers, a standard job is not enough for them, they need something special and coherent with their dreams, usually when these people were children they had the tendency toward daydreaming about their future job and adult life. They're passionate about art, music and psychology and they need to feel flexible with their work. Usually they're kinda lazy and don't like to work too much, they need to recharge often. They have amazing healing qualities and could built a career around that, spiritual practices, alternative medicines and energy works could be amazing career fields for them! It's hard for them to chose a profession, they tend to be indecisive about what kind of job they would like to do and usually they change their profession often, in their life time they will do many temporary jobs. These people could also become priests and made a career in religious field. They could also become drug sellers and evade taxes. They're not good at all with planning and organization. They might hate capitalism and have communist ideals.
Neptune in 11th house:
These people should be extremely careful when it comes to their friendships, there could be many liars around them. They tend to be too generous with their friends and could easily fall victims of manipulation or lies. They tend to attract friends with mental illnesses and drugs addictions. They tend to identify a lot with their friends group and tends to make them do all the decisions, they have an amazing community spirit but tend to fall victim of the wrong people. They're insatiable dreamers and they daydream a lot about a better world without wars, hate and filled with peace and love, like Neptune in 10thhouse, they could have communist ideals. These people seriously need to work on their boundaries, they tend to trust anyone very easily and are that kind of people who overshares their life with strangers on the internet or in real life, they need to learn that not everyone is going to be their friends. They also tend to attract many artists and musicians as their friends.
Neptune in 12th house:
These people are gifted with psychic abilities, telepathy, intuition and prophetic dreams. They're natural born psychologist and healers. They tend to have a tendency toward being introverted but it's easy for them to connect with others thanks to their amazing empathetic abilities. They're extremely sensitive and connected with universal energies, they tend to feel overwhelmed by other people energies and need to sleep more than others to recharge, they also need some alone time as well, they could even become hermits for some periods of their life. Unluckily, they have a tendency toward depression and melancholic feelings, they need to take care of their mental health. Art and music could become actual therapies for them, they're extremely sensitive toward sounds and could heal themselves with frequencies. They should be careful with drugs or addictions in general. These people tend to feel a vocation for spirituality since young ages, usually they were more reflective, dreamy and introverted kids compared to others.
ko-fi ☕️: sacerdotessa
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yanderecrazysie · 3 years ago
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Can you maybe do a Yandere Alphabet with Tendou please 👉👈🥺🥺
Of course I can!!! I'd be more than happy to! :D
Tendou Satori (Haikyuu) -The Yandere Alphabet
🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, murder, food/water deprivation
A is for Affection: How do they show their affection for their darling? How often do they show it?
💖 Tendou would start with soft touches that could go unnoticed by you. Just one of those "touchy friend" types, right? An arm slung around your shoulder, pulling at your cheeks teasingly, hands over your eyes from behind saying "guess who?", and other harmless, playful things.
💖 These touches might start to escalate if you receive them well. A quick kiss on the cheek, a hug that lasts much longer than normal... suddenly it doesn't feel as "friendly" as it used to.
💖 When Tendou "takes you home", he'll see no reason to hold himself back with his affection. He's going to be fairly clingy, just warning you!
B is for Blood: How messy are they willing to get for their darling? Why?
🔪 Tendou seems to enjoy seeing the helpless look on people's faces, so he might enjoy murder. Since the sadistic pleasure comes from defeating his rivals, I think anyone that is a contender for your love is probably in mortal danger.
C is for Care or Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they kidnap them? Would they mock them?
💔 I don't think Tendou would really MOCK you, but he would be pretty smug about his victory. He wouldn't be able to stop gloating about his plan going perfectly.
💔 Tendou will treat you well, though. Don't think for a second that he'll be mean because this boy's a bit like an overexcited puppy when it comes to you.
D is for Delusion: How delusional are they when it comes to their darling? Do they believe their darling loves them?
💭 Tendou is aware that you don't like him back (yet) but he doesn't think his thoughts or actions are abnormal. Possessive tendencies, dark thoughts, even murder... it's all because he loves you, so that's fine!
E is for Expose: How much of their heart do they bear to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? How much time will it take to trust them?
💧 Tendou didn't have a great past and he doesn't really love thinking about how the other kids bullied him. I think he does have a bit of fear that you might judge him too, even if you've shown nothing but kindness towards him.
💧 Because of that insecurity, I think it would take a long time for Tendou to tell you about his past if you didn't know it. If you did know about it, he wouldn't want to talk about it. But why dwell on bad memories when he can make good new ones with you!
💧 Trust though? Tendou is a bit paranoid about you leaving him, so you're literally never going to be trusted near a potential escape. 50 years down the road and he's still not letting you within EYESIGHT of the padlocked door.
F is for Fight: How would they react if their darling fought back?
👊 Tendou would probably find it hilarious if you tried to physically fight back. Do you HONESTLY think you're going to overpower him? I mean: he's big, strong, fast, and good at guessing your next move. Yeah, nice try.
👊 Like I said, he'd find it funny. It's a bit of a challenge, it's so cute to see that feisty side of you! To Tendou, it's kind of like a special little game you both play. You'll never really win anyways, so what's the worry?
G is for Guilt: What would it take for them to feel guilty about their actions? Or do they feel guilty from the start?
😔 Guilt? What's guilt? I don't think Tendou would feel that.
😔 Seriously though, even if you got hurt or were upset, I don't think Tendou would blame himself. He wouldn't blame you, of course, but it's just kinda... necessary, you know?
H is for Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
🔥 An angry Tendou is not a fun Tendou. Seriously, angering him isn't fun for you or him. He can be a cute, dorky little thing but he can be kinda scary when pissed.
I is for Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
👩‍❤️‍👨 Tendou has a cute little future planned for you both. This boy's thought hard about what your wedding will be like, how many kids you both will have, etc. I don't think he'll really take your opinions into consideration, but maybe if you try hard enough you can convince him.
J is for Jealousy: How easily do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
💢 Tendou doesn't feel "jealousy" exactly. He can pick out rivals, yes, but he doesn't have any worry about them taking you away from him. They won't if he has anything to do with it.
💢 It's fine if you talk to others, though it'll irk him if you're really flirting with someone. He won't blame you for attracting admirers and he'll let you talk to them if you want. They just... aren't exactly... safe from him...
K is for Kidnap: How would they go about kidnapping their darling? How much do they plan it out?
🔒 Tendou would be quick to kidnap you BUT he's not stupid. If the risk of being caught is high, he's not going to rush. He'd find a good opportunity and have a plan for how to take advantage of it. He's pretty good at figuring out what you are going to do.
L is for Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
💌 Tendou wouldn't mind being friend-zoned as a start. That way he can be close to you without you suspecting him of any ill intentions. And he can just pretend to be "that touchy friend" that likes to hang all over you.
💌 He'd probably be extra playful with you and seek you out so much that even his teammates can't help but notice. He'd ask you to go everywhere with him and trail after you when you go somewhere.
M is for Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they acted before?
🎭 I would say that Tendou can hide things pretty well. He sometimes conceals his true nature and how dark his thoughts are, but his teammates/friends/family CAN tell that he's acting strangely.
N is for Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
🚓 I can't picture Tendou hurting you (or really any yandere, to be honest) but I can picture him being crueler with his punishments than the others.
🚓 Tendou might deprive you of food/water until you give in to what he wants or he might lock you up with very tight restraints. You'll come to learn that an angry Tendou isn't a fun Tendou to deal with.
O is for Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? What rights can be earned with time and trust?
📜 I think that, as long as you're behaving, Tendou would let you roam pretty free around the house. I mean, that's not really saying much, considering you can't leave or anything.
P is for Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
🕊️ I feel like Tendou wouldn't be very patient. Not so much "impatient" as he is just really excited. He CAN wait, he'd just prefer not to. I feel like he'd be playfully impatient too- pretending he can't wait another moment and dramatically faking relief when the wait is over.
🕊️ Tendou wants to give you the benefit of the doubt and he knows you need time to adjust. As long as you don't go TOO far, he will go super easy on you. He'll probably even do a "3 warnings" system or something.
Q is for Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
🏃‍♀️ If you die, Tendou will spend the rest of his life miserable and in mourning. I don't think he'd know what to do with himself- he lost his whole world when you left it.
🏃‍♀️ I do think there's a possibility for escape, just not a high one. If you do manage it, Tendou will hunt you down for as long as it takes. If it takes until the day you die, Tendou will keep searching.
R is for Rage: How do they act when angry? How do they calm down?
👿 Tendou's anger ranges from peeved "tch"es to bared-teeth yelling. In any case, it'll be hard to calm him down, unless it's not aimed at you. If he's having a bad day or angry about something not related to you, wrapping your arms around him or climbing into his lap will immediately soothe him.
👿 If you're the one that caused his anger, however, you're in big trouble. Your only options are to wait it out or hide. If you hide, you stay safe but he'll stay angry for longer. Weigh the pros and cons.
S is for Soulmate: What made them fall in love with their darling? How did they first meet? When did they realize they loved their darling?
💍 You either defended him from bullies or were kind to him, never seeing him as a "monster" like the others. Your refusal to be cruel to him immediately caught his eye, since most people give him a LOT of distance.
💍 Tendou just ADORES how you don't flinch when he approaches you, that you don't stare uncomfortably at his face, or that you don't make fun of his mannerisms. You don't seem to approve of his fairly-cruel (and frankly disturbing) songs and attitudes about others, but you don't treat him any different because of it.
💍 You never had to treat him special, in fact, that's the exact opposite. You treated him NORMALLY. And, because of that, he got the chance to get to know you. Aren't you so glad?
T is for Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
😭 It depends on the situation. I think, if it was something you were really sad about, Tendou would try to cheer you up. He'd do his best to turn that frown upside down because your smile is so much prettier!
😭 However, if it's because of his punishment/anger or you're crying about "wanting to go home", he might be a little more sadistic about it. I can see him doing silly little teasing gestures (tilting his head strangely, innocently wondering aloud why you're so sad).
U is for Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
👌 Tendou isn't... normal. Like, even canon non-Yandere Tendou is kinda... strange. Because of this, no matter how disturbing and yandere he acts, no one else will realize just how serious his oddities are this time.
V is for Visit: Would they allow anyone else to visit their darling? Do they trust their darling to talk to their loved ones (in person, on the phone, etc.) or not at all?
🧳 As long as Ushijima doesn't tell, the miracle boy can come hang out with you two. Tendou secretly kinda wants to show you off a bit. Won't Wakatoshi be so happy for him?
🧳 Semi Semi doesn't get to visit you. Sorry.
W is for Weakness: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
❌ Being hated. If you hate Tendou or act like you do, it'll break him. I'm not saying "call him names" because THAT will just anger him. I mean "I hate it here", "I don't want you", and just generally pushing him away from you.
❌ He wants you to love him- That's one of the reasons he loved you... because you DIDN'T hate him... You can't hate him- YOU CAN'T-
X is for Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
🛐 As clingy and loving as Tendou is, he's not the worshipper type. You put him at a level of normalcy, so he puts you on that same level. I mean, your relationship with him is NOT normal, but to him it is.
🛐 Tendou WILL go to any length necessary to win you over, though. I mean, he didn't kidnap you just for fun. He abducted you so that you could both fall in love together like you were meant to, without all those pathetic rivals in the way.
Y is for Yearning: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
😍 Depending on how friendly you were with Tendou, he may have had a "slow burn" (in Tendou terms) or "instant" love for you. If you met through mutual friends or something, it'll take a while for him to "snap". Otherwise, like everything with Tendou, it'll go QUICK.
Z is for Zero Tolerance: What is the thing that always makes them snap? What things will they not allow their darling to do under any circumstances?
0️⃣ Calling Tendou names = the exact opposite of why he loves you. Especially if you call him a "monster". That word will send Tendou into a fury you will instantly regret invoking. An "I hate you" is a million times better than "You're a monster".
🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
I really hope you enjoyed! I did my best!
I always feel like I don't know Tendou as well as most people do- like his personality is so... bizarre... I don't know how to put a finger on just what he's like-
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ophidahlia · 2 years ago
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Like a lot of people, I feel like a different person after the pandemic and not for the better, but maybe in a different way than many folks, I dunno.
The pandemic itself wasn't really a source of stress for me, being disabled and chronically ill with multiple comorbidities it actually felt like the rest of the world kinda shifted to my everyday reality; don't misunderstand me I still very much felt empathy and concern for everyone and angry at how the pandemic was mishandled, it's just that it felt like a situation I was already familiar with and it didn't really change my everyday life very much. A lot of chronically ill people felt this way; it felt bizarrely normal.
However, I was one of the many many people stuck in a toxic domestic situation during lockdown, there was a secondary epidemic of domestic violence within the covid pandemic as people were stuck inside with their abusers and those abusers often increased the severity & frequency of mistreatment by taking out their pandemic-related stress & anxiety on their victims. I'd like to see more focus on long-term effects on folks in my situation, especially disabled, poor & inadequately housed, or chronically ill/ immunocompromised individuals who were most especially isolated & vulnerable. I'm a power wheelchair user with a chronic illness and poverty-level finances, and all that played a major role in the DV. It's very hard to leave when you can't physically enter most rental units and the ones that are accessible are above your budget, but the pandemic, lockdown, & related housing shortage made it downright impossible to leave an abusive situation. It's a very common story.
At my best I was really outgoing before all this and making new friends was easy; I was that annoying perky rando who strikes up small talk with strangers in the elevator; on my good days I was high-energy, enthusiastic, engaged with a lot of different interests, and was very goal and growth oriented. Now my illness is more severe than before because of the effects of the stress; my pain & my health are worse, my functionality is lower, I don't really talk to friends anymore (I miss them but trying to reach out triggers my PTSD from the DV) or socialize, engaging in things I enjoy at home is very hard, as is working on my goals or even just going outside to the park down the street. I'm in therapy for it, but I lost a big part of myself in the pandemic and I'm not sure how to get it back. I think there's many people who had a similar experience to me and many of us never stopped quietly isolating ourselves because our subjective experience of the world got just so much more hostile and dangerous a and the dysfunctional social climate of the pandemic seems like its formed the backdrop of our new normal, so it's kind of this big invisible psychic wound across a large portion of society that I don't think we've collectively acknowledged much less began to address.
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wolpertinger-prince · 3 years ago
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Tagged by @queenevac
Who are my top 5 comfort characters?
I mean, they interchange depending on my current hyperfixation, but...
1) Ratchet (Transformers, particularly Bayverse): I love the grumpy old medibot that’s allowed to be Not Nice while still clearly being a good guy. But I love him in Bayverse the most for how while that could still be present, it’s not the main focus of his character; he’s implied to be a lot more kindly or at least polite than other incarnations. Sure, the actual films don’t really go into his character much, but I’ve fallen in love with what we’ve got of him nonetheless. Just this worn-torn and tired old man mech that remains kind in spite of everything, values life, and makes the most out of his new home on Earth by enjoying its beauty. And also he’s handsome. I mean that unironically. Not only is he physically handsome, but god his voice...
2) Gordon (Catscratch): Gordon has been with me since I was probably 9 years old. I always adored him for his courage, his sense of justice, and his kindness. Also, much like him, I love to eat. I kinda connected to him since I saw the promos for the show before the first episode debuted. So much so that getting inside the house and down the basement on time to catch the premiere was an event for me. But anyway, of all the hyperfixations on cartoons I had as a kid, Catscratch is the one that stuck with me. Probably because it came out during a weird time in my life, when I kinda started to notice that I wasn’t like my peers. So, during that confusing time, I had Gordon; I’ll always cherish him for that.
3) Stranger (Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath): Stranger is me. From his being sort of socially inept despite his intimidating demeanor to his isolation to the fact that he’s constantly disguising himself both for his own safety and because he doesn’t think he deserves to present as what he really is to him being mostly self-serving... Yep. Stranger is me. His story resonates with me the way so few main characters in any media do. Like yeah, I relate to Abe from the same franchise, too, but Stranger is like Oddworld Inhabitants made an allegory for my life, made it into a video game, and made me a cool cowboy centaur creature. But the question remains: do I relate to Stranger’s journey of self-acceptance as an autistic person, as an nonbinary person, or as a person that’s both aspec and arospec? The answer is yes.
4) Cookie (Rayman: The Animated Series): Cookie is both me and what I wish I could allow myself to be. Simply put: Cookie sucks. He’s cranky, complains constantly, and is full of anxiety that holds him back from truly embracing his freedom after escaping captivity at the circus. It’s not that he sucks: it’s that he’s allowed to suck. And that sounds like a weird reason to like a character, especially since that’s the exact reason why many other people that have viewed this obscure little cartoon find him really annoying. However, as an autistic person that didn’t get diagnosed until later in life and therefore feels the need to mask constantly, it’s kind of important for me to see that and analyze what it means to me. Cookie isn’t adventurous like the rest of the main crew are, and that’s something he and the others have to deal with. His friends may get upset with him for his constant complaining, but he still says what’s on his mind and allows himself to feel, all while still clearly being a competent adult with a skillset that his friends are heavily reliant on.
5) Hunch (Rock-A-Doodle): Possibly being an even stranger choice for a comfort character than Cookie, Hunch came at a point in my life where I knew I was probably mentally ill, but didn’t bother bringing it up with my parents because I knew they weren’t going to do anything about it. I was about to turn 15 when curiosity got the better of me one quiet morning and made me sit through Rock-A-Doodle in like 15 parts on YouTube (yes, really). I had watched the Nostalgia Critic review of it, but the critic never mentioned this manic little dude. So I got attached to him right away because it was like I discovered him myself. And I’m not sure if I liked him at the time because he made for a good projection of my own anxiety, depression, and god knows what else, or just because he was a funny little owl that sucked at being evil. Either way, he’s the reason why I have a soft spot for obscure-ish, non-threatening evil henchmen today, like the weasel guardsmen from Conker’s Bad Fur Day or Killer from All Dogs Go to Heaven. Either of those characters could be in this same spot, but something about Hunch’s cackling, manic nature puts him above the rest for me. Or it could be the fact that he suffers abuse at the hands of a family member that he spends the duration of the film trying to impress, and then at the end gets to chase that same abusive family member away into the sunrise and presumably eats him. Aaaah, karma.
Tagging: @tragischehagelslag @kid-mera @the-little-animals @x-de-con-struct-ed-x @groovy-rat-man
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thekidsarentalright · 3 years ago
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Hey wanna share your thoughts on I've Got A Dark Alley from futct?
ooo boy okay, yes i would love to share my thoughts on i've got a dark alley. i have many thoughts on this song, as it destroys me emotionally and i relate to it a concerning amount! (TW: suicide is discussed in this, stay safe <3 as always, i don't love looking at songs from the perspective as the artist because that feels kinda invasive idk so i look at them from a story/fictional perspective, but this is an exception bc dark alley is SO personal to pete and also me lmaooo... analysis under the read more <3)
So... I’ve got a dark alley is almost undeniably about Pete's suicide attempt, or at least his general mood/emotional state around the time of it. It opens with “Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends" / We're the kids who feel like dead ends / And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close”, which is like A Lot to sift through but in general this verse is making a simile between being told something (a joke, if you wanna take it literally) awful and emotionally difficult to hear/feel and kisses shared ‘jokingly’ between ‘best friends’... clearly, pete here does not just view this person as a friend, but something leads me to believe the other does... a first devastating thing for him listed in this song.  ‘We’re the kids who feel like dead ends’, Pete is identifying himself as part of this group, part of a group of ‘kids’ who feel like they’ve hit a wall, they have no where left to go, and no potential in themselves to make it better. One could argue fob makes music for kids who feel like this (they do) and Pete is signaling that he understand how that feels, because he IS a kid who feels like a dead end. “And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close / At trust and love and hope / And the poets are just kids who didn't make it / And never had it all” are all the same thought stream all going towards that he doesn’t want to be known for his shortcomings, for things people view he’s done bad or wrong, he doesn’t wanna be known as a kid who feels like a dead end... i believe the next line is saying he took a ‘shot’ at trying to become known for more than that (one could say his suicide attempt was this shot, it very well could be, or just... any attempt Pete made at making himself more likable back then) but didn’t come close to, he didn’t come close to gaining trust, love, or hope in a metaphorical sense but also in the sense that in his shot, trust love and hope were what he was putting at risk with the hope he’d come out the other side better- happier- but it didn’t work. The next lyrics go on to him sort of identifying himself as ‘a kid who didn’t make it, and never had it all’, because i feel its safe to say Pete is a poet and is aware of this, and identified himself as a ‘kid’ in the past so- Pete is saying he took this shot a trust, love, and hope but fell short, and was once again being a hopeless poet who didn’t make it and never had any of that in the first place. The chorus continues to stream of consciousness type writing the first verse and pre-chorus had, with the repetition of ‘and’ showing that these are all thoughts coming at him in rapid succession, burying him in them, I believe. The lyrics echo this too- the ‘record’ (life) won’t stop skipping, won’t stop moving and going forward and lies won’t slipping from him (makes me think of people lying about being okay when they’re not) And while everything is falling apart for him, his reputation is on the line too. So, he can’t be visibly going through this, he can’t be depressed, he can’t be suicidal, he can’t be bipolar and have all those things known because it’s all so stigmatized- and his career is just starting off. It would ruin his reputation. So, Pete fakes it, forces smiles even though he feels dead inside because he can’t stop comparing himself to everybody else around him as his life falls apart. “Please put the doctor on the phone, 'cause I'm not making any sense / Blame everyone but me for this mess / And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart / We never seemed so far” is the second verse, discussing (perhaps obviously) that Pete feels he has truly gone off the deep end, he needs a doctor/therapist (this line reminds me of that one lyric from disloyal order) to come help him because he’s gone (genius annotations say this is directly about his suicide attempt, and i suppose it very much could be, but the meaning is the same either way). However, he’s putting responsibility for going off the deep end on everybody else, as he seems to feel wronged by the world, society, etc. for letting him become so isolated, so depressed, for the stigma around mental illness.  ‘And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart’ is saying that Pete’s heart feels so heavy from all of the above, again, the isolation, the stigma, the pressure on seeming happy when he isn’t, the way life is going by so fast even when he’s frozen... it’s destroying him, breaking his back, even. It’s no way to live, needless to say.
“I'm hopelessly hopeful / You're just hopeless enough / But we never had it, at all” is a call back to the last pre-chorus with the ‘never had it all’ part in common. I feel this is the only part of this song possibly about romance, possibly saying that he hopes (hopelessly, at least he’s self-aware) whomever he’s talking to is as hopeless as he feels so they can be miserable together, but he recognizes that they never would work together (perhaps because the counterpart isn’t as hopeless as he is? or because he took a shot at love and didn’t come close to it?). After this, the chorus repeats and reinforces what I stated before about it- life is coming at him so fast against his consent, he keeps lying about things, but his reputation is on the line so he has to lie and life has to keep going because he can’t not be okay- he has to be okay. 
Overall, this song is like seriously depressing. Their most emotionally vulnerable, depressing fob song to date, I’d argue. Pete himself has said they’ll never play it live because it’s so personal, which is understandable- he reveals it all, he reveals how he feels so hopeless and lost, how society and fame is putting pressure on him to seem okay when he isn’t, possibly how ending it all would make it all just go away and give him what he seems to truly want- to be known for the good things he’s done, for the ‘hits’ he’s written, he wants love and trust and hope from someone special, sure, but more importantly from the world. I’m happy it seems he’s got all of that now.
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everything-laito · 4 years ago
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damn the brain be out here going BRRRRRR here’s the Laito and Cordelia Analysis (with a little bit of Karl sprinkled in) Part III
wow my fingers are freezing but my brain sure isn't! 
aaaanyways, iiiiiit’s trauma time!!! Am I a productive member of society by writing these analyses? No. Do I gain anything by writing them? Kinda, my brain gets exercised and they’re fun to research for. But if you haven’t read the first part or the second part for some reason (I recommend reading them in order), there they are. 
Once again, trigger warnings still apply; mainly about trauma, isolation, etc 
I’m gonna talk about the trauma and effects it had on Laito and to attempt to extrapolate why he is the way he is. I have a lot of examples I want to go over and stuff to talk about, so I think the trauma part is going to be split between two (or maybe three) parts. I also have a little bit to say about Karlheinz.
As always, big ass rant under the cut! 
Section 6: Neuroplasticity and Trauma
Oh???? More science vernacular??? You BET! Ok, neuroplasticity. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog. But, I seriously doubt that there is a madlad who has read all of my analyses (speaking of which, I should update the master list lmao) and I don’t expect anyone to do that LOL! Anyways, this neurological concept is the ability of neurons to adapt to certain circumstances or stimuli by creating new neurological pathways (through synapses). This basically relates to memory and learning. It’s why we don’t stay the same person as we grow and develop. It’s responsible from mindset changes to response to traumatic events. It plays a huge part in trauma, which is why “repressed memories” occur as well. 
Trauma, taken from Psychology Today, is defined as: 
...the experience of severe psychological distress following any terrible or life-threatening event. Sufferers may develop emotional disturbances such as extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD.
It’s a basic definition. And although I’d assume people would know what trauma is already, but knowing the lexical definition of something can be good to know before going into it. 
Obviously, Laito has trauma, there’s literally no refuting that. But, the point I’m getting at, is the reason why he is the way he is today is because of neuroplasticity. As previously stated, we are going to assume the DL vampire brain works similarly or the same as a human brain. So, because of the stress put upon the brain (Cordelia’s actions and Laito’s general upbringing in a stress filled household), Laito’s brain was rewired (neuroplasticity). This section doesn’t really have much new information, but I wanted to give a baseline since there’s many people who don’t know what neuroplasticity is.
Laito’s definitely different than what he was as a kid. He still kind of had his smarts, and might have been  but as we’ve deducted from the first part of this series, he might have been groomed. On top of that, the brain is easily moldable when you’re a child (which is why grooming makes sense for Laito’s case), and continues to snip brain cells off and form new connections. 
Section 7: Little intermission about Karlheinz 
I know I haven’t really talked about Karlheinz yet. So this will be the section that I do it in. I know this part is about Laito’s trauma, but it’s so hard to not just weave other characters into it. Nothing is stand-alone, which is why it was so hard for me to plan this out. I was debating about saving this for another analysis, but I feel like it fits. 
I referenced this in Part II, Section 5 of this analysis series. Basically, Karlheinz throws Laito into the dungeon and locks him up. Not Karlheinz personally, but he ordered someone to do it. We don’t explicitly know why, but there’s several implications. A huge one is that it was part of Karlheinz’ experiment. Before Dark Fate, I was like “wait, so did Karl find out about Laito/Cordelia? And got like jealous or was like ‘nah this shit fucked up no thanks’?” I was really scratching my head on that. But in Dark Fate, you find that Karlheinz knew about Cordelia and Laito, and even really wanted it to happen. Which is all sorts of fucked up. This really put Laito in for a loop. Here’s a scene from Dark Fate: 
Laito: That woman always, always believed in Karlheinz. Laito: She believed he married her because he loved her, wanted her. That’s why she was sure that one day... he will give his love only to her.  Laito: But she was tricked. She wasn’t loved from the start... Laito: -And I’m a victim of this unbelievable mistake... That’s how it is. Laito: I was treated as a vent for her feelings. Yui: ...Laito-kun... Laito: I’m sure he knew that something like this will happen... He is a god after all... Laito: I was hoping that... He just overlooked it up until now... Laito: But... I was naive.  Laito: I was only planned a scapegoat. 
God, when I played this, that just freaking struck me to my core. That’s so awful. Ironically... Karlheinz probably has some high level of emotional intelligence. I don’t believe he could be labeled as a sociopath, considering he has this high level understanding of pathos. He’s not god in a sense that he controls everyone individually himself. He’s so good at manipulation that he basically creates fate itself (whether you believe in it or not). He’s generally intelligent and cunning, and it also just helps with the fact that he’s immortal and can time travel. He knows cause and effect by now, and I believe Lost Eden said something about how he’s done so many different “timelines.” 
The definition of a god in a philosophical sense can be broken down into three words: omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. More wicked cool jargon! Yay! Here’s what they mean for extra clarification:
Omniscient: All knowing Omnipresent: All seeing Omnipotent: All doing
Sure Karlheinz doesn’t absolutely know everything, nor can see everything, and he definitely has limits to his power, but he has gained knowledge through living for so many years and time traveling; he has familiars which add to the whole “all seeing” part; and he has a lot of power. So basically, in the most semi-”realistic” sense, it would definitely be the closest being to any kind of god.
Karlheinz is probably the reason why Laito himself has such contempt towards religion, and the existence of a god in general. Sure, the boys are like “that shit’s made up by humans” in general, but it would make sense for Laito himself to have that specific hatred. It makes sense that these vampires would be like “oh that’s made up by humans” when they’ve been around forever and have seen multiple religions come and go. (I’m mainly talking about in DL’s lore case, not starting a religious argument; please don’t take it as such––just to clarify)
Section 8: Isolation
Originally, the previous part was going to be about Laito’s isolation being locked up. However, I went off the rails and it turned into that little intermission. This is going to be a shorter section, but I still wanted to talk about, and it will weave into the next section. 
There is no implications about how long Laito was locked up (and tortured) in the dungeon. There’s also no implications about why he was tortured. But torture and isolation puts such stress on the brain that there’s definitely going to be some kind of outcome if persisting for a good period of time. So let’s take a look at what that does to a person. 
Once again, taking this with a grain of salt. I imagine vampires don’t need to rely on social interaction as much as humans do, considering they live forever. But we don’t know. However, throwing Laito into a state of isolation implies that it would be some type of torture or harsh punishment for a vampire, which therefore implies that social interaction is a necessity for emotional function. It’s just sound, inductive logic. 
So now, as for isolation, I’m using this article as reference. It’s a pretty interesting one to read. Here’s another extensive article as well. Basically isolation can cause:
Depression/anxiety
Immune system deficiencies (basically more likely to get physically ill)
Sleep cycle changes (if put underground or with limited natural light)
Hallucinations
Paranoia
Issues with processing information and more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation
We have no clue if Laito’s experience fits all of these. Also, the second one can be crossed out because vampires in DL can’t get physically sick in the way we can. Also, unsure about the sleep cycle stuff considering they are used to being in the dark. Hallucinations and paranoia can’t be crossed off nor proven. 
Being isolated physically and mentally exhausts the mind, which is why it’s also a way of torture. Laito implies that he was tortured with physical devices, but regardless, it’s still stress on the mind. This type of stress definitely goes along with what was mentioned with neuroplasticity and trauma, which also supports the last bullet point: issues processing information and being more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation. Take this flashback from Maniac Prologue in HDB that I used in Part II section 5 (but here’s even more context):
Laito: ーー Let me go!! Let me out of here! Butler: I can’t, young lord. We’ve received strict orders from your father. I am deeply sorry, but please stay put for a while. Laito: What’s the point in having me chained up in here!? Butler: ーーI am very sorry. Laito: Hahahaha…You stupid old man! Do you think that this will make repent!? How foolish! That demon! Has his brain finally rotten from spending too much time with humans!? ー Cordelia appears Cordelia: ー Oh? Laito: …!? Have you come to save me? Cordelia: Oh dear. Ufufu…I’m sorry Laito, that isn’t it. Laito: Eh? Richter: ー Why are you here? Laito: …That’s my line. Cordelia: Okay, okay. No fighting! More importantly, Richter…Come here. Laito: …!? Cordelia: Nnn…Hey, Laito. You are a good boy. Laito: …!! Cordelia: Right, Laito? Laito: Yeah, that’s right. I’m…I’m a good boy after all.  ーー Besides, I’m the type of person who only get more aroused from this kind of thing.
Although I also use this to support the whole Stockholm syndrome point, this could also be supported with the trauma isolation also holds. His mind is being re-molded into the facade he holds. Also, note the whole “do you think this will make me repent?!” part. Just a very interesting thing. The word “repent” implies that there’s something to feel guilty about or the person knows that what they’ve done is bad. It just goes to show that Laito has some part of guilt or moral compass still in tact. 
You can also argue that this scene was when Laito just got locked up, or he’s been here for a while. Either way, he could have also been socially isolated before this too, just hanging around Cordelia like it’s implied when he was a child. Remember the whole not being in bed 9/10 times when he was a child? Yeah, controlled social isolation. We also rarely see Laito with other characters in his flashbacks. I don’t believe we see him with his brothers in any of his flashbacks from what I can recall; he’s usually with Cordelia. Just implies (to me) that he’s around her a lot. And being locked up is also a more extreme case of that, which would mold the brain even more. 
I know that was a LOT to process and read. I sure hope this still is cohesive for you all. I’m pretty bad at organizing this kind of stuff; it’s a bit difficult since it all just goes together. Which, kudos on the writers of DL, because that’s just good writing. I was going to put something about gaslighting in this part, but that might be too long, so I’m going to make that a separate part or include it in the next part. 
If you have any questions, feel free to just put it in the inbox. I’m planning on making the last part of this series answering all the Laito/Cordelia questions I’ve received, or just general questions pertaining to this analysis in general, whether it be tangential questions or clarifying questions. 
Hope you all are still enjoying this ride as much as I am!  -Corn
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bambolae · 3 years ago
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    HEADCANONS   —   CHAPTER  I.    the dolls of house beneviento.
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so, everybody’s view on donna in relation to angie is very, very different. there’s a lot of interesting takes that i’ve read and discussed with friends and since the game does keep it fairly vague, i think that it’s important to establish how i view the dolls of house beneviento.
let me begin with the doll we all know and love, angie. here’s the history behind her.
angie was given to donna in her youth by her father who was a doll maker. donna has struggled with her mental health ever since she was young and she was likely selectively mute as a result. she took a very intimate liking to the doll she named angie and created a sort of persona as the doll to speak to people through her. later, after donna was adopted by mother miranda and implanted with a cadou parasite, she had part of the parasite planted within angie’s head and she is able to control angie through it to this day. 
there’s a lot of questions surrounding angie’s level of sentience and how connected she really is to donna. the way that i’m portraying it is that i believe angie, alongside all of the other dolls, are extensions of donna herself. they do not have their own sentience. she has a set of dolls (angie being her main one) that represent her as a person. i’m making this clear because this is not to say that she has multiple personalities despite the dolls acting very different from one another. the dolls represent the parts of herself that she could never show from a young age and that never developed in a way that she could healthily display her emotions and thoughts without using them as a buffer. to know her dolls is to know donna. 
side note: while angie is completely controlled by donna and does not have sentience, there’s still moments where angie will blurt something out that donna reacts to in an embarrassed manner. this is the equivalent of you blurting something out without realizing it LOL especially if youre somebody who doesn’t have a filter. donna doesnt have much of a filter, shes got a funnel that goes straight through whatever doll shes controlling. in VEEERY rare cases where she’s comfortable enough to talk, donna does blurt out things you’d generally hear angie say and the disconnect is kinda hilarious.
donna grew up in a very strict religious setting as one of miranda’s few “successful” experiments and subsequently one of the future ladies of the village. she was on a tight leash and it’s clear in the way she’s spoken about by miranda and the others that her mental illness was not treated well. any signs of it made her appear immature and childish, nobody took her seriously due to how she never felt comfortable speaking, and the expectations of essentially being a new prophet figure in the cult made it so that she had no childhood at all and no time to explore herself or her emotions. every semblance of emotion was treated like a problem and donna quickly learned that she could only express herself through angie without getting in trouble. 
what was originally a soft blanket that comforted her and helped her with her anxiety was now a crutch. it was the only way she could speak without the fear of being shunned. angie became the truest version of herself - she is the life that donna is too scared to embrace. she is forever in mourning for her parents, her failures, herself. angie celebrates life, finds humor in things that nobody else does, says and does the things that donna would never say. everything she has repressed inside generally comes out through her. 
now, some smaller details for the dolls. each and every doll in the beneviento household that has a part of donna’s cadou implanted into it was created by donna. the dolls will have the beneviento crest on them usually in the form of small buttons, embroidery, accessories, etc. she likely commissions any metal pieces from karl, but generally does it in bulk unless its a special project since they’re usually buttons, pins, brooches, and the like that are used consistently throughout her own clothing and the doll’s. many of her dolls rotate through an ever increasing wardrobe of clothes she creates for them.
her favorite dolls are regularly maintained and cleaned. angie herself is… nowhere near as grimey and nasty as she is in the game. as much as i love the creepy vibe, it makes no sense for a woman who loves a doll this dearly and clearly creates a PLETHORA of dolls herself. she is still cracked and stained from her youth before she learned the arts herself, but donna regularly cleans her and changes her into various white dresses. her hair has been rerooted as well because it… is not that hard to fix that either c’mon. it’s a curly blonde updo. she’s still a creepy little beast but she’s at least maintained. 
donna can control any of her dolls and can control multiple at the same time, but the more she controls at once the simpler their actions will be. for example; if she’s fully focused on controlling angie, then the other dolls are likely idly walking around or turning their heads but they won’t do much else. she can focus on controlling one doll fully & switch between two others simultaneously before it becomes too much for her to handle. any doll with a cadou fragment implanted into them is a part of donna and will idly do things without her even thinking about it. 
if you touch one of the said dolls, she’ll be able to feel it. hearing & sight are limited to the doll she has her focused on and  she can’t really taste or smell through any of them which makes touch the only sense she can always feel through any doll. she has a similar connection to the mold - infested plant life in her territory where she can feel what’s going on - this makes sneaking up on her hard unless you can get through without touching one of the many dolls or one of the plants she’s connected to through the mold.
donna has made many, many dolls for the children in the village (without the cadou…. duh….) and it’s known that it was created by lady beneviento. that’s the most the village people interact with her, usually. 
so, let’s go over the main four dolls that donna has fully developed “personas” for. i went over angie just a few paragraphs ago but as the “leader” of this quartet she needs to be in this roundup too
ANGELA  “ ANGIE “  BENEVIENTO.
donna’s very first doll. represents her in her truest, unfiltered self. the child donna was never allowed to be, says the things she never got to say & does the things she never got to do. the doll she’s usually in control of. quote from earlier paragraph:  angie became the truest version of herself - she is the life that donna is too scared to embrace. she is forever in mourning for her parents, her failures, herself. angie celebrates life, finds humor in things that nobody else does, says and does the things that donna would never say. everything she has repressed inside generally comes out through her.
GIANNA “  MRS. CHUCKLES “  BENEVIENTO.
the first doll donna created herself made in the vision of a clown from a book. the most playful of the lot, most likely to approach you to play a game with her or to crack jokes. similar to angie but with much less of a bite to her words. represents her repressed joy & humor.
LADY ELISA BENEVIENTO.
one of donna’s earlier creations made when she was a pre-teen going through one of the worst mental health lows she’s ever been through. she fixated heavily on this one to keep her occupied in her loneliness, very intricately sculpted & painted. made to look like a sad princess. she still considers elisa one of her best quality dolls, big comfort doll for her. represents her sadness, doesn’t get a lot of use unless she’s struggling with her depression more than usual. 
GABRIELLA BENEVIENTO.
created in her early twenties and has debatably the best craftsmanship out of the four, only rivaled by elisa. made during a very angry time in her life after mother miranda said something to her that made something inside her snap for the first time. she stewed in her anger, isolated in her home & created a doll to cope with her emotions. she forgave & forgot but gabriella did not. doesn’t have any obvious, distinctive design but is regularly dressed in dark colors and has so many knifes under her skirt. much heavier gothic inspiration than the rest of her dolls. she’s usually the first one to attack an intruder. represents donna’s repressed anger & rage, the fight to her flight. doesn’t get a lot of use unless donna feels like she needs to be protected or you somehow managed to rile her up. extreme fear might bring gabriella out as well if she feels like she needs to attack.
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