#but like… I kinda relate in many ways with being ill and isolated in many ways but finding community and friendship online

[sparkles-and-trash]

Everyone should watch Ibelin on Netflix, it’s the most beautiful story in the world, but I promise it will mean extra much for those of us with online friends we care a lot about.

I still get misty eyed every time I even think about it, but in a wonderful way.

[starchaser667]

WHY did Motherspore target Jimmy out of everyone else??

First of all, let me tell you, I had been thinking of making this post for a while, and it was originally going to be me sharing my thoughts and going crazy with theories hehe

But it turns out there's ALREADY an answer to this question, that was hinted at in Maruu and Doody's streams a couple of times, which I found out extremely late because I can never catch those live.

Still, I thought so long and hard on this, that I decided I would share my thought process anyways! Show you how deep I went before ever knowing if I was delusional or not hwjsjwjs

So here goes nothing!

~~~

For starters, I wanna say I was initially under the impression that Jimmy's involvement in the Motherspore incident had been, for the most part, COLLATERAL DAMAGE. Like it was mainly a mix of negative factors, and maybe also Jimmy's infamous bad luck lol, that got him in that situation.

I imagined he'd been one of the many people to have fainted at the start of the whole mess, and having probably done so in his office (a more isolated place than a classroom or a break-room where most people were), he had been the easiest target; secluded enough that Motherspore had managed to capture him without any trouble or interference from anyone.

That sounded like a likely scenario! And considering it probably wasn't very important, I didn't dwell on it too much...

That was, until we got to Chapter 15, and most importantly, HOTGUY'S INTERROGATION.

Because Hotguy brings to attention that Jimmy's position in all this is actually quite suspicious. He remarks that Jimmy had been the only person to remain in the building, when everyone else had been evacuated, which then led him to be the most difficult one to find and rescue. He wonders if there's a possibility that he stayed behind ON PURPOSE.

And while it's important to note that all of this is stated with the ill-intention of triggering Grian and forcing him to talk, it is undeniably TRUE that Jimmy's situation had been unlike anybody else's.

In fact, once I started thinking about it, I realized there's something actually odd that happened, that didn't see anyone mention and was particular to Jimmy's case... and that is that Motherspore actually fought to GET HIM BACK.

Think about the way Motherspore acted when everyone was evacuating the building, or rather, how she DIDN'T ACT. Sure, people were fainting, which I don't know if it was an intentional move on her part or simply a side-effect of the spores in the air, but with some help they were all able to get out safely.

And she let it happen, and not because she lacked the power to stop it. She could've had people trapped in the fungus like Jimmy was, she could've covered the exits in it so people wouldn't be able to escape, she could've attacked Hotguy the second he stepped in to help, yet she didn't.

But when JIMMY was the one being taken away?? She willed the fungus to grab at him and drag him back towards her, proceeded to literally pounce on Hotguy. And judging by the shocked look on his face, we can assume and confirm that was the first time he was met with resistance and hostility on this foe's end.

So after pondering all this I suddenly went HOLD ON. What if Jimmy being captured wasn't just an unfortunate coincidence? Because it's starting to look as if he was intentionally singled out... OMG what if he was actually TARGETED???

And oh boy did that set me off.

I rapidly started coming up with quite a few ideas as to why that could've been the case. Could it have simply been because he's related to Grian?? Or because he's also a witch?? Maybe specifically because of his mind-reading ability?? And so on.

BUT, as I said before, there's already a kinda answer to this question, as to why Motherspore went after Jimmy, that was revealed in one of Maruu and Doody's streams, which might be the reason why lots of people like myself hadn't heard about it.

Doody responded that the one thing she could say about the matter is that it was important to remember that Motherspore is fundamentally STILL GRIAN, just taken to a more primal, slightly fucked up level. They mentioned that this version of Grian is guided primarily by instinct, and I quote, "is protecting the things that are dear to him and attacking what seems like a threat."

And OMG do you know what this MEANS??

It means that yes, Motherspore did target Jimmy, but not exactly for the reasons I first suspected. It wasn't because she had wanted to hurt him or use him in any way, but because she had wanted to PROTECT HIM!! That's why she hid him away from everyone else, and why she went to greater lengths to keep him there!!

And dude I just think that's so sweet 😭 that even in a corrupted state of mind, Grian was able to recognize his cousin and still strived to keep him safe no matter what <3

And I think this is very important information to have, because it makes their interaction in Chapter 14 even MORE heartbreaking than it already was.

Because we know Grian was DEVASTATED to see Jimmy hurt, and even more horrified at the notion that he had likely been the cause of it. And I just know that guilt is part of the reason why he denied his offering to stay, why he decides to push him away. He believes it would be safer for Jimmy to keep his distance, even if it breaks both their hearts.

And this is so incredibly sad because Grian DOESN'T KNOW. He doesn't know that Motherspore never wished Jimmy any harm, that in her own messed-up way, she tried to defend him from everything.

He has no idea that caring for Jimmy is such a core part of him, that any version of himself can't help doing the same...

Anyways they make me sick <3 can't wait to read and find out more!!!

~~~

TLDR: Found out Motherspore didn't capture Jimmy for malicious reasons, but because Grian was unconsciously trying to protect him, and now I'm emotional :'(

[funkbun]

i always like to ask ppl with inspekchin - how do you think they first met? everyone's got such interesting takes on their early days so im curious what you think!

GRINNING EVILLY. I’ve got a whole like…. possible comic or fic idea thing for their first meeting because thinking about these two pre-godhood makes me feel crazy and ill.

I think they met one another as young adults (Capo was liike 23 while Hector was 27). Hector was still on his own, in the early planning stages when coming up with the Bizzyboys, while Capochin just ran away from a really rough living situation, having been abandoned by literally everyone in his life, and is really Going Through It Miserably. They’re both pretty lonely and isolated guys, so it’s kinda wild how they managed to come across one another back then.

Sooo the scene here, it’s raining pretty bad in a central Drain city with the possibility of flooding occurring. Capochin’s by himself in an alleyway, not exactly passed out but he’s lying against a wall with not an ounce of energy within him. Hector happens to be passing by (the reason? I dunno yet, maybe he’s trying to see if there’s anyone he could help out in this storm) and spots Capochin. He freaks out a bit at first, like “Oh my god is that a dead body…..”, and goes over to Capochin trying to see if he could do anything to help him out. It takes Capo a while to actually acknowledge Hector’s presence, they chat a bit, and they relate to one another a bit, being two lonely guys who feel like outcasts in the Drain (Capochin believing that no matter what he does, there’s no way he could truly fit in among other Drainfolk due to many of his own personal self-doubts and issues, and Hector also feeling similarly, but viewing that more as him being special and needing to prove to everyone that he’s worthy enough of that type of thing, among a number of other things).

Hector then offers to take Capochin in to help him out, since Capochin doesn’t seem to have anywhere he can go at the moment. While Capo’s kind of an asshole to Hector at first, he understands deep down that this is a chance for him to actually improve his own life. This tall, weirdly friendly guy, who somewhat understands what he’s going through is opening a door for that improvement. Also if he stayed out there in the alley for any longer there’s a non-zero chance he could get swept up in a storm and straight up die.

So now Capochin is in Hector’s apartment and is being taken care of. Hector’s apartment isn’t anything too fancy, but to Capo it already feels much more livable compared to his past home, even if it was larger and technically more impressive. Once it all really sets in for Capo he feels extremely confused but unbelievably lucky about the whole thing lmao. Like wow, somehow someway he managed to have his life saved by this complete stranger. Was this a smart idea? Who knows (lol) who knows, but at the moment he feels real fuckin fortunate.

Soooo yea after a few months, the two of them are practically inseparable now and are roommates! Yay! I hope nothing bad happens to these guys!

[tawked]

I kinda wish more versions of Batman embraced his mental illness in a more, I don't know, neutral or literal way.

If you accept Batman as mentally ill throughout the 1980s - 2000s as many writers working on him (Miller, O'Neil, Dixon, Moore, Morrison, others I don't care about) would often imply then there's kind of an element of... How to put this.

His mental illness is kind of supercrip adjacent in that his ability to be obsessive is framed as core to his detective methods and is a part of his whole "Batman's superpower is determination" metafictional conceit. It's giving Aspie Supremacy. But his mental illness is also written as informing pretty much every single social conflict he has, this idea that, like an autistic stereotype, he is absolutely emotionally unavailable in the sense of being unable to comprehend other's emotional needs or realities, or being so focused on his own perspective and trauma that he (contradicting the very reasons he adopted Dick Grayson and Jason Todd!) cannot understand when Dick is upset about shit.

It's kinda like Monk.

Except instead of touching every doorknob six times or whatever, he's just a real asshole to everybody all the time lol.

There's potentially something extremely relatable about Robin as an Emotional Support Child that people with disabled, especially mentally ill, parents might be able to extract something meaningful from. There's an inherent complex inversion of many parent-child roles in that. That Dick Grayson chooses to leave and live his own life in his platonic polycule with his hot alien ladywife is honestly extremely relatable and potentially a real statement about the raw emotional weight of needing to support an adult who, by normalized social roles, has all this power over you, while you attempt to keep them from falling apart on a nightly basis.

I'm not really interested in Tim Drake because I thought his earliest stories were racist garbage written by a man who, caaaan yoooou believe it, went on to work with an actual real neo nazi on an explicitly branded-as-alt-right superhero line. Wow! What a shock! lol I also just haven't read his modern stuff. idk, Neutral with Tim Nation, do not want to fight, but I say this to say he is not for me in canon --

But Tim Drake especially had the potential to really be interesting in this role if this theme were appropriately explored. You have his support of Batman as a mentally ill adult man and his support of his father as a physically disabled adult man, in relationships intentionally designed to parallel. He knows Barbara while she's dealing with the trauma of acquired disability during an arc where she learns to be comfortable in her own body and re-enters society, paralleling a hypothetical better version of Harold as a disabled man born with his condition and who thus has no concept of self as able-bodied who has totally and absolutely retreated from society.

You have Tim paralleling Dick Grayson, the boy who walked away, Jason, the boy was about to but didn't have the chance, and himself, the boy who just walked in, all in complex child-as-carer roles.

There so much potential here it's like watching people fumble a ball that's practically glued to their hands bro.

But the people who write this shit often don't really have any inroads into communities and, being Americans, likely experience mental illness themselves in that very American atomized "it's not a disability, it's something different" way. Y'know, they're isolated from any form of disability cultural concepts. It's a cool concept that the writers of the time simply did not have the tools or understanding to build anything from. Y'know, Barbara's arc is amazing and one of the best in superhero comics, but at times it does feel like the writers are saying "okay, yes, no leggies is sad, but like just be happy instead you big floppy bitch" lol. Harold in general, oh my god, Harold. I love Harold and they shouldn't have done that. They shouldn't have done my boy like that.

[thewingedwolf]

Rules: pick four characters who are most like you and tag as many people as you want!

tagged by @sirenascelestiales

i will tag @whitegownsandflowercrowns @aemondstark @woongminrome @monstersandheartache @bemybabymp3 @allyriadayne @nicoleanell

this is funny because as someone obsessed with canva and also myself i have a color palette thing that includes characters i hyper relate to alsjdflkj. there's more than four (and there's also a few more characters in the Are You Me category) so I'll pick four alsdjflk but-

^^that's what happens when you have canva pro and a mental illness btw

Jem Carstairs, from The Infernal Devices - biracial, bisexual, chronically ill cane users who have some deep hangups about a lifespan they fear is cut kinda short by being sick (would i become a silent brother/iron sister to escape dying bc i don't want to leave the people i love? the answer is yes unfortunately)

Bran Stark, from ASOIAF - suddenly disabled at a young age and not dealing with it in a particularly graceful way, always ready to learn even though we are both impatient and fuck up a lot, quick to laugh, rascally just like our moms

The Vampire Claudia, from IWTV - i would say i'm more similar to the show version but i've been projecting onto claudia since i watched the brad pitt movie in 8th grade. Not to be like "it's the coquette thing" but well when you're very short, very feminine looking, very pale and sickly looking, and your parents bought all your clothes to dress you up like a doll for years, hate your dad (even tho yes he was better than his parents that doesn't mean he was good or fair to ME), have a strained but deeply loving relationship with your mom (let's not dig into the gender stuff re: Louis), and you're just really fucking angry about the whole thing, it's very hard not to overrelate to Claudia. When you add the show's bisexual awakening (and the way ultimately relates to Madeleine through their shared feelings of darkness and isolation) and the fucked up racial dynamics of their household, it's like. oh yeah. that's me if i was a murderer alsjf

Pepe the King Prawn from the Muppets - I'm dead ass. Bisexual, non binary, perpetually and weirdly horny, mean Latino, constantly looks like i'm 2 seconds away from a freak out, dresses like your grandparents on a cruise vacation.

[xxchromies]

Toxic Tumblr Communities

Tumblr is a very interesting place. I feel like women have always dominated this website. While it's a great place for women to express themselves, it's obviously created a lot of really toxic communities that in all honestly could probably only be created by women. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've got communities that normalize harmful behavior (self-harm, anorexia, drug taking) and communities that normalize harmful relationship dynamics (the teacher crush and true crime communities, the ddlg community, the kink community in general, etc.), all kinds of different shit. I won't deny that these are all really harmful in their own ways. BUT I can't stand the way many people talk about them.

It's not uncommon for people to make YouTube videos talking about these communities, and totally eviscerating the posters without showing a single shred of empathy, despite most of the posters being depressed, isolated, and traumatized teen girls.

When it comes to the communities that revolve around toxic behavior, I kind of hate how the posters are treated as if it is their fault and their fault alone for other people picking up on the behaviors. If someone looks at thinspo or a SH picture and is like "YES I want that!" did the post directly create those feelings? Or maybe JUST MAYBE the person viewing the post was already mentally ill and now they just become encouraged to be a part of a community with people they relate to? Also I kinda hate how people accuse these posters of "romanticizing" the things that they do, I really don't think it's true most of the time. I think what happens is that women are conditioned into always wanting to appear beautiful, and so they want even their pain to be beautiful. Which is why they then write "sadgirl" poetry about cutting or whatever. I also think it's a coping mechanism. If you're going through something difficult, the least you can do is be poetic about it. I also think that a lot of the times it's a cry for help. It's common to make fun of the emo girl who cuts for attention but even if it's for attention she's still hurting herself.

There are also communities that "romanticize" bad relationship dynamics. When it comes to the teacher crush community, I honestly don't think it deserves the hatred it gets. 99% of the posters have no plans to actually get with their teachers. In YouTube videos about this community, they often respond to the rare posts where underage girls gush about how their high school teacher reciprocates their love. The YouTubers blame the girl for posting about the situation and "romanticizing" it, rather than blaming the fucking adult male for taking advantage of a high schooler. It's abhorrent and I can't stand it.

The true crime community is less defensible, but even then, most of the girls do not support violence, it's more so a fantasy of being able to fix a evil man. And I honestly think it's reflective of the way society tells women and girls that they are responsible for men's feelings and actions, even the very worst of them. And pretty much all the posters are either depressed and isolated teen girls or 30-something year old women who have a history of dating violent and abusive men. When people criticize this community, there's something about the way they do it that's almost victim-blamey, idk. I won't act like what they're doing isn't harmful to the victims, but people act as if drawing the Columbine dudes being yaoi boyfriends or whatever is just as bad as the fucking shooting itself.

And the ddlg community on here mainly seems to be fronted by "littles" who roleplay as underage children having sex with their parents. Again, this is a baddd thing to be encouraging, even if it's through role-play. But I HATE how people act like pretending to be the little is the same as pretending to be the adult. All these girls are fantasizing about roleplaying sexual abuse and idk about you but they really do seem like victims to me. This is not a pass for them to promote harmful behavior but again I just hate the double standards. These people are turned on by being victimized and people somehow don't feel any sympathy for them. They act as if it's the EXACT SAME as being turned on by victimizing others.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I HATE how the standards for women are so much higher than they are for men. Women will post about the pain they are causing themselves, and society gets angry with them for daring to be upfront about it and/or trying to make it seem "beautiful". Women will post about how they want to be victimized, and society gets angry at them for promoting toxic relationships, while not offering them a shred of empathy and asking WHY they want that.

Idk I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm not saying these girls are completely blameless and I really don't want it to be interpreted that way, but it's crazy to me the way people act like they are heinous and evil (and not like, victims of patriarchal conditioning) for romanticizing situations where they would be victimized.

[vengefulmariner]

MAY monthly favorites ᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

JUNE SAVE MEEE. SUNSHINE AND SUMMER WEATHER SAVE MEE!!! it's been soooo rainy for most of may where i live and it's been bumming me out cause the whole reason i like may is for the sunniness and the flowers and all that. but on a more positive note i have a really good feeling about this summer, i'm so excited for it.

🌸🌞🌸🌞🌸 also happy pride month!! LOL

MUSIC FAVES

bonecock by uncle outrage. ohhh my god this album has such a cool sound. if you like msi's older/unreleased music but don't want to listen to it for the many valid reasons to not listen to msi, i'd reccomend this. it has the nostalgic cheap sounding synths and beats that i am such a sucker for. idk how to describe the energy of this other than like. adult swim core?? moral orel aqua teen hunger force core???? if you get it you get it i guess. very sample-heavy and the samples sound like theyre all from random 1950s instruction videos. it's just so fun and weird i LOVE IT. also the album version of octopus angel is a million times better than the single version idk why its not more popular.

FASHION FAVES

this slip dressssUGH. like come on it's so pretty!! it's kinda big on me so i have it hella safety pinned in the back because i am not confident enough in my sewing skills to try and alter it, i'd be crushed if i messed up this beautiful garment

FRAGRANCE FAVES

curious apothecary foret blanc. i got this secondhand and it was super oxidized so my description might be off. despite that, it's still super wearable and yummy. foret blanc means "white forest" but this has no trace of sheer/delicate "white" scents or earthy "forest" scents. it's listed as a vanilla sandalwood, and it is. i just expected the vanilla to be more floral and the sandalwood to be fresh and sweet. but oh no no. the vanilla is bold and dark like vanilla extract. the sandalwood is warm and creamy. it's a much more dirty & skankier (in a good way) fragrance than what i'd usually go for but it's such a well made fragrance nonetheless. it has crazy projection and lasts literally all day, it's strong as hell so don't overspray. highly reccomend if ur looking for a sexy androgynous fragrance.

MEDIA FAVES

may (2002) (get it because i watched it in may and its called may haha)

this is known online as an "offputting weird girl movie" and i gotta say they're kinda right about this one. it follows the downward spiral of a freaky socially inept girl (may) and explores themes of imperfection, rejection and isolation through her. those themes really speak to me. it is a horror film i'm really picky about horror but this is one of the few that hit the sweet spot where it did disturb and unsettle me but not to an overwhelming degree to the point where i feel ill. i wouldn't reccomended may to someone who can't stomach anything related to animals being hurt in movies, that definitely got under my skin while watching this lol. overall it really stuck with me after watching and made me think.

MISCELLANEOUS FAVES

putting tumeric ginger tea in my coffee. Guys. put tumeric ginger tea in your coffee. like the tea bag. in a cup of hot coffee. idk if i can drink hot coffee at home any other way now. this shit changed my life i feel reborn.

🌸🌞🌸🌞🌸

and that's all <3 we must remember the importance of gratitude always

[neptuniadoesstuff]

Christian's Bio

Warning: This character is pretty unhinged & albiet... brain dead. Also, he is mentally insane & has a bit of a thing going on where he just snaps & goes feral in very dangerous situations. A lot of this, however, is due to trauma-related things, so you really can't blame him much, can you?

|| Name: Christian "Stargazer" Locke | Gender: Male (Trans), Any Pronouns (But prefers He/She) | Age: 24-28 | Sexuality: Qeustioning | Height: 6'5 ft | Enithcity: Filipino (Prob with some Korean Ancestry) | Personality: A pretty unhinged & insane person who cleraly has experienced some extreamly traumatizing things in the past. Has major anger problems but luckily does have the ability to control them (untill he snaps). Likes being alone lots | Occupation: A deserted/wandering biologist & astronomer (Formally/Part-Time), A Stellobak Corp Worker (Also part time due to his issues) | Family: The Locke's (His adoptive family) | Species: Human (Earthling) | Other: Is quite unhinged but is pretty aware of what is going on to the point he can be pretty... unnaturally aware... Was diagnosed to be brain dead at 15 & was mainly living with his gramma which was also the age he was then adopted by the Locke's. Has major trauma issues relating to his past life on Earth & the fleet that he generally doesn't want to talk about it unless it's extremely important. Kinda has a problem... by problem I mean 2 problems as he was injected with the parasites of the Isolation Syndrome & the viruses of the Elmwire disease which sorta explains why she acts the way she is (listen this man has so many problems but plz dont worry he's are working on them... it just its gonna take awhile) ||

Extra Info: He's the main protag of "A Stargazer's Diary" which is about him, owning a Diary about his findings & what is currently going on in his life (& going on pretty dangerous adventures on different planets). It was given to him by his older adoptive brother, Carmen (aka one of the ppl he tried to save but then was unfortunately punished for failing to..). The Diary is really what he has of left of Carmen which while it makes him sad, he pushes himself to eventually move on from his brother's supposed death.. (Yes I do mean supposed, Carmen is technically still alive somewhere but Chris doesn't know that)

(Btw, uh... "A Stargazer's Diary" is just a placeholder name for the new universe but despite that ill prob introduce other OCs of mine in this thing. but as primarily background characters. As for the main genres I'm not really sure (since im not really gonna take this new universe seriously till i know what the frik im doing with it) but i think its gonna be a mix of exploration, Sci-fi, Fantasy, & maybe some slight horror (if you didnt know theres a demonic being pretty much huanting & taunting our protag who already has a bunch of problems & this being has last since he was born).)

[a-gassy-antelope]

Miscellaneous Tag Game

Made by the one and only @ronald-speirs <3

Thank you for the tag @grumpy-liebgott ! Am I finally doing this after being tagged almost a month ago?....maybe

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

I haven't been many places truthfully. I loved hiking near Niagara Falls and also hiking in the Smokies near Gatlinburg. (I'm going to Alaska later this year so that will likely take the cake for me!)

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

Working 3 jobs while also caring for a terminally ill parent. Not to get too sad, but yeah, that was a time.

Favorite books?

Oof, gonna age myself with this. The Harry Potter will always hold a special place in my heart even though it has aged terribly. Because I am Furniture by Thalia Chatlas made a big impact on me as a teenager. One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest by Ken Kasey is a favorite classic. Recently Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison kept me very entertained with pure shock value (although I just finished The Slob last night and it by far takes the cake for the most disgusting thing I've ever read)

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

When I think about the people I choose to surround myself with. I am a very open person with those I love. Once someone is in my inner circle I am a no boundary kinda person. Let's cut the small talk and bare all our trauma and then tease each other about it. Let's rot on the sofa together. It makes my heart happy to know that I have people I can be like this with.

Favorite thing about your culture?

...what culture... I could say there's a certain culture of the American Midwest that i love. Mainly the 'midwest goodbye' where you stand in the front door chatting for way too long, then in the driveway then in your car with the window rolled down. Also, ever had a midwestern dessert salad?????

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

Well, my brother is older than me and he was very much ww2 obsessed. So watched Band of Brothers way younger than I probably should've. Probably when I was like 8? When I got into my career there was this song at work that would play and it felt so oddly nostalgic until one day I realized it sounded the intro credit music for Band of Brothers. Then it was put on Netflix and it was all down hill from there. Very different to watch again as an adult vs what I remembered from my childhood.

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

I just finished Dick Winters' memoir not that long ago! I think I'll read Shifty's next!

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

Everyone in b.o.b is my precious baby. See that generic white man? Yep, thats my child. Honestly though there are certain quotes from various characters that just scratches my brain. Buck with: "Your ass?!" Webster with: "You ignorant, servile scum! What the fuck are we doing here?" and the cadence in which he says "Don't salute the Germans!" Liebgott with "Hershey Bar!" Winters with: "What's that? A piece of paper? I dont wanna see another piece of paper" and Speirs with: "You talk to an officer you say 'sir' " (totally not because it made me feel some type of way)

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

I have made Band of Brothers stuff here on tumblr, classic text post as memes. Ao3 I've made Band of Brothers, Star Wars and My Hero Academia content!

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

hm....that's hard to pick a favorite. Meryl Streep is always delightful, as is Gillian Anderson. Natalie Portman? Keira Knightly? ok, ok, maybe I should list a man...James McAvoy. Jack Nicholson. I dunno, I don't like picking favorites.

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

"I paint self portraits because I am so often alone...Because I am the person I know best." This Frido Kahlo quote really sticks with me because I feel like I can relate to being isolated and enjoying spending so much time on my own. I am my best companion and draw from my own experiences and emotions.

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

I am a licensed massage therapist and I work with patients with chronic pain and injuries. I love my job and my patients even though it is a very draining profession.

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

I am a writer! I want to say that I'm open to beta readers but I am also simultaneously afraid of others reading my work and embarrassed that people might not like it. That being said, I am working on a multi part Winnix fic rn.

Three things that make you smile?

My pets: a cat, 2 snakes, 2 leopard geckos and a pink tongue skink

Sweet gestures from my partner (or their dumbass jokes)

Writing!

Any nicknames you like?

Instead of Alex, a friend once called me Al Pal and I'm bewildered that it took me over 20 years to ever hear that.

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

Uhm, everyone???? I love seeing people share whatever they're passionate about or find cute and funny. I love when people love things unapologetically! @grumpy-liebgott, @blueberry-ovaries @lewis-winters @easycompany123@andromeddog @hanniewinnix and honestly so many more!

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

I have two options. Get to my Marine Corps brother who is a borderline doomsday prepper but lives an hour and a half away or die immediately.

Favorite movie?

Again with the favorites? Some of my comfort movies include: Pride and Prejudice (2005), Mamma Mia, Hellboy 2 The Golden Army (specifically 2, not the first one) and Coraline

Do you like horror movies?

Yes! If my above mentioned books weren't an indicator. I love modern paranormal, 80s slashers and any Vincent Price movie

Tagging (no pressure!) : Also, Sorry if you've already been tagged! (does anyone else get nervous tagging people for no damn reason?)

@hanniewinnix, @pettypumpk1n @multifandomfanfic @hbowarandchill @fxxiva

[kuriboo]

I know I'm just an anon to you.that I'm hiding even myself from you because I'm shy and even scared to bother you.but I check in regularly because of meeting you through your rp blog.but that's not the reason I'm messaging you right now. I just read your ooc read more post and I can say related to it. Nothing in the sense of irl because I dont have many irl friends anymore for reasons i couldn't control. But I understand the feeling of wanting to curl up so small and isolate / hide. I've actually felt that rather recently. But despite all that I want to be a person just as scared to voice me emotions online most of all or to mention the struggle of anxiety if I talk to anyone irl..thinking I'll message up judged or dropped because my own feeling. I want to be this person right now to tellyou let you know reassure you hear you. You're valid and you matter even when you feel so low it's painful to try you will always matter. You matter to me and I'm sure others other there too. It's easy for us to let our fears fester and bottle up.that is why checking in seeing the mun clearly so upset pain me because if been there I know how it can be trying to express yourself only to feel bad for it- but we shouldn't feel bad for it why? Because we are valid for feeling how we felt. And if people can't accept it or wait to listen it's their loss because you're so much better than those who are quick to judge. please stay strong I know you can do it ill struggle with you in this feeling it's easiler said than done trust me but I hear you.

THIS IS SUCH A NICE ASK TO RECEIVE..... THANK YOU....

(i've really had the big urge to get back on my rp blog recently, but i just got off a week of being out of town and i'm exhausted but i'm gonna. try to push myself again soon...!!)

it's! very nice to relate to people on this stuff, yeah... idk what even possessed me to ramble last night, i just. kinda finally connected some dots about why i am the way i am. but it's so easy to forget i'm not the only one who struggles.

but we can struggle together and stay strong together!! because you're so right about our emotions being valid and people who left being the ones missing out... i get so wrapped up in just assuming the best of other people that it's easy to miss that certain people are just not worth my time, especially when they're long gone already. not worth obsessing over it.

🤝 we'll get through it...!!!

and ah, it's so nice of you to keep checking in on me after all this time, i feel like it'd be so easy to just give up on me after being absent for so long and just forget about me. to be remembered and thought of...it means a lot!! thank you!!

[sacerdotessa]

Neptune in the houses

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Don’t plagiarize, you were born original, don’t die a copy.

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Neptune's key words🗝 dreams, secrets, imagination, fantasy, art, beauty, ideals, hope, psychology, art, music, chaos, confusion, illusion, psychic abilities, intuition, religion, inspiration.

Neptune in 1st house:

These people are extremely sensitive, they actually absorb all the energies around them, good and bad ones. They're not good defending themselves from negative people and they easily fall victims of emotional vampires, psychic attacks, energetic vampires and toxic people, they have to work really hard on building strong boundaries. They're extremely psychic, intuitive and sensitive, it's common for them to have visions about the future, vivid dreams and spirits / angels / spiritual beings from other dimensions are attracted to them and always tries to communicates with them. These people tend to have an attractive and feminine appearance. They tend to be mysterious and private about their life, they don't like to overshare and people tend to misunderstand them a lot. They hate labels and the idea of being putted in a box repels them, feeling free and fluid it's extremely important for them. They tend to wear spiritual clothes (crystals, spiritual symbols, etc). Being naive is their biggest flaw. They could suffer from body dysmorphophobia or mental illnesses in general. They need to be careful with drugs and anything that causes addictions, when they're upset they tend to isolate and escape from reality with substances or damaging addictions. They're usually a bit lazy and loves to sleep, usually they're introverted and needs to be alone to recharge. They loves everything that's magic, they find the real world quite boring.

Neptune in 2nd house:

These people needs to be careful with money, they're not so good in dealing with them. Usually they're generous and people take advantages of that, they tend to fall victims of thief and burglars or liars in general. They tend to spend too much money and losing objects is very common for them. They could make money from an activity connected with neptunian values, evade taxes and makes money in a way that confuses other people, they could even be drug sellers. They have a spiritual view of life and they don't care about money in general. They're quite lazy when it comes to find a job or working, they need to follow their own rhythms. They're usually musicians or singers and their voice is usually beautiful and charming. They could have the tendency of eating too much or developing eating disorders. In general, they prefer to keep their financial situation private, they're also quite private about their home and hates inviting people in their home, they would love to live in a isolated place by the sea, they usually dreams about living somewhere else.

Neptune in 3rd house:

These people tend to have mental illnesses, learning disabilities and it's hard for them to communicate with others in a clear and assertive way, they tend to prefer metaphors over a direct discourse. They loves to read and fantasy is usually their favorite genre, non-fiction does not appeal them. They're also talented with writing and could be amazing songwriters or musicians. At school they're talented with humanistic subjects (they're straight A's students when it comes to writing essays) and school could be a place to escape from their family (especially if Neptune is close to the 4thhouse). They loves to write and they could uses alter-ego or hiding their identity when it comes to their creations. They're introverted and have a tendency to read between the lines, this behavior causes paranoid feelings in them. It's hard for them to communicate and they could have the tendency toward telling white lies to others, it's common for them being misunderstood by others. They tend to have many friends and family members with a prominent water quality in their charts. Expect many travels by the sea with this position.

Neptune in 4th house:

This is not an easy position for Neptune, these people tend to have forgotten their entire childhood or important parts of it. They have the feeling of not knowing their parents, this could be metaphorical or literal (I know many people with an unknown father and Neptune in their 4thhouse), their parents might be absent or very private and mysterious, this position brings parents with massive water placements, psychic abilities, mental illnesses and drugs addictions. In general, magic and spiritual themes are not taboos for their parents. They could have spent their whole childhood by the sea or the family might have a second house by the sea. These people could feel like their parents filled them with alienating beliefs about reality, they might have been “too protective” not letting the child exploring the world around them, home could have become a place to escape reality. In a different scenario, the parents could have been too absent and not protective at all. These people could have been experienced difficult in expressing their feelings, extreme emotional responses or mental illnesses during childhood. They need to be extremely careful with thief, an alarm system in the house should be a priority for them.

Neptune in 5th house:

These people tend to be private and mysterious about their love and sex life. They usually have an history of delusions and illusions in their love life, they tend to fall in love quickly and idealize the partner, they also tend to fall in love with toxic and confused people. They need to work a lot on their boundaries when it comes to love. They tend to be amazing partners: generous, sweet, caring, romantic and charming, unfortunately it's not common for them to find balance in a relationship, usually is never 50/50. Their partner might have neptunian qualities or massive water placements. They should avoid partners with mental illnesses and drugs addictions. They should avoid taking drugs and drinking too, they're become easily addicted to toxic behaviors and develop addictions easily. They're talented with any music instrument, art in general, acting, dancing and singing, they're natural born performers. They should always have protected sex, unwanted pregnancy could be common for them. They could have children with neptunian qualities or water placements, mental illnesses, addictions, extremely talented in art and music, with psychic abilities.

Neptune in 6th house:

It's difficult for these people to make planes, organize their life, structure their daily life. They tend to be careless with their diet, kinda lazy when it comes to physical activities, it's extremely important for these people to take care of their health in a proper way, they tend to ignore their physical symptoms or to suffer from hypochondria, this position suggest psychosomatic illnesses too. It's hard for these people to find a job and they could suffer from financial problems during their life time, if they choose a profession related to neptunian themes, they have more probability to achieve success. These people tend to be attracted to alternative medicine, spiritual practices and tend to use the law of attraction in their daily routines, a spiritual life style is extremely important for them. They could be vegan or vegetarian, they're sensitive to animal rights. They could feel connected to fishes or aquatic animals in general. Water is therapeutic for them, showers and baths have regenerative proprieties, they love to recharge with water. They could love volunteering for causes they cares about, they're amazing listeners and have a compassionate nature.

Neptune in 7th house:

These people tend to be attracted to people with neptunian traits and water placements in their chart. Unfortunately they have the tendency to fall in love with toxic, emotional unavailable, inconsistent people, they need to work a lot on their boundaries. Like Neptune in 5thhouse, usually their relationships are never 50/50. These people tend to attract to them artistic and spiritual partners. The idea of marriage tends to be idealized and their ideal wedding party should be somewhere by the sea. These people tend to attract secretive partners, they should be careful about cheating or these kind of things. These people should also be very careful when it comes to contracts or legal actions. They're the kind of people that use to make fantasies in their head about love and romantic scenarios but in real life they tend to avoid relationships. They're also at risk of co-dependency in relationships, they need to be careful. They could also be that kind of people who are in love with art, music or fictional characters, real life relationships tend to bore them.

Neptune in 8th house:

Those with this position needs to be careful with their finances, they tend to be too generous with money and easily fall victims of thief or dishonest people, they need to be careful with heritages too. This position could suggest that these people avoid taxes and have many debts (that they keep hidden) during their life time. This position creates amazing mediums and occultist, those with Neptune in 8thhouse are the best psychics. These people should be careful with their sex life, they have a tendency towards unprotected sexual activities and their sexual fantasies could be wild and eccentric, usually they keep their sexual life hidden too, sex and masturbation could become ways to escape from reality. They'll love tantra and spiritual sex practices for sure! They don't like casual sex, usually they tend to have it only with those they're in love with, unfortunately they're easily victims of f*ckboys and cheaters, they need to be very cautious and work with their boundaries.

Neptune in 9th house:

These people are extremely religious, spiritual and they master the law of attraction like no one else. They could actually decide to be priests or to make religion or spiritual practices the center of their lives. Their faith is incredible, they always have a positive attitude towards the future and they look forward with faith in every situation. These people could actually attract miracles from God or have the feeling that they could actually talk with the Divine Source, good luck always flow toward them. They have an open mind and are respectful of other people ideas and beliefs, however they have the tendency toward being manipulated by others, they need to be careful toward spiritual gurus or religious scammers. Their biggest flaw is their blind optimism, sometimes they ignore every risks and become victims of dangerous situations. They love to travel and daydream all the time about where to go for the next travel, sea locations are their favourite.

Neptune in 10th house:

These people are talented in work areas related to neptunian themes and are huge dreamers, a standard job is not enough for them, they need something special and coherent with their dreams, usually when these people were children they had the tendency toward daydreaming about their future job and adult life. They're passionate about art, music and psychology and they need to feel flexible with their work. Usually they're kinda lazy and don't like to work too much, they need to recharge often. They have amazing healing qualities and could built a career around that, spiritual practices, alternative medicines and energy works could be amazing career fields for them! It's hard for them to chose a profession, they tend to be indecisive about what kind of job they would like to do and usually they change their profession often, in their life time they will do many temporary jobs. These people could also become priests and made a career in religious field. They could also become drug sellers and evade taxes. They're not good at all with planning and organization. They might hate capitalism and have communist ideals.

Neptune in 11th house:

These people should be extremely careful when it comes to their friendships, there could be many liars around them. They tend to be too generous with their friends and could easily fall victims of manipulation or lies. They tend to attract friends with mental illnesses and drugs addictions. They tend to identify a lot with their friends group and tends to make them do all the decisions, they have an amazing community spirit but tend to fall victim of the wrong people. They're insatiable dreamers and they daydream a lot about a better world without wars, hate and filled with peace and love, like Neptune in 10thhouse, they could have communist ideals. These people seriously need to work on their boundaries, they tend to trust anyone very easily and are that kind of people who overshares their life with strangers on the internet or in real life, they need to learn that not everyone is going to be their friends. They also tend to attract many artists and musicians as their friends.

Neptune in 12th house:

These people are gifted with psychic abilities, telepathy, intuition and prophetic dreams. They're natural born psychologist and healers. They tend to have a tendency toward being introverted but it's easy for them to connect with others thanks to their amazing empathetic abilities. They're extremely sensitive and connected with universal energies, they tend to feel overwhelmed by other people energies and need to sleep more than others to recharge, they also need some alone time as well, they could even become hermits for some periods of their life. Unluckily, they have a tendency toward depression and melancholic feelings, they need to take care of their mental health. Art and music could become actual therapies for them, they're extremely sensitive toward sounds and could heal themselves with frequencies. They should be careful with drugs or addictions in general. These people tend to feel a vocation for spirituality since young ages, usually they were more reflective, dreamy and introverted kids compared to others.

ko-fi ☕️: sacerdotessa

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

Hewwo!

I can't feel nothing but anger and anxiety lately. I have diagnosed with bipolar depression but pills doesn't work.

Also I'm self diagnosed aspd, our psychologists know shit about aspd, they little know about bpd but in a worst way.

Do you have any suggestion for self control?

hewwo! i will do my best to help without knowing your exact situation but heres some stuff that ive picked up over the years ive spent being alive

first off. if you are actively in a horrible situation (being abused, shitty workplace etc) there is nothing i can do for you. there is no treatment in the world that can override the fight-or-flight reflex of actively being in danger. i learned this the hard way- i was only able to really start healing from my ptsd once i moved away from my parents and wasnt, yaknow, getting more ptsd. which extends to the personality disorders i got from being abused as an extension of said ptsd

HOWEVER there might be things that minutely help- this stuff is gonna be a bigger help once you're out of said horrible situation (if you're in one) but sometimes things that help, help

self control wise: here's a little trick: PEMDAS that shit. do you catastrophize because of your anxiety? well, that's whats gonna keep your aspd in check.

is this a particularly healthy piece of advice to give? probably not. but we're working with what we've got here. its kind of like chemotherapy: blasting someone with radiation isn't healthy per se, but it gets rid of a worse thing, and once the worse thing is gone Then you can work on healing from the chemo itself

not to say that aspd is akin to cancer, because it isn't. but hey that makes our work here much easier!

FOR EXAMPLE: when i was a teen, i had some pretty insanely strong urges to steal. i was also afraid of the cops, and had really bad surveillance paranoia. i knew that stealing would be a bad idea, because if i got caught, it'd be hell to pay at home. so what did i do? let my anxiety and paranoia run wild and free!

i wanted to steal? well, i'm always being watched, which means everyone's gonna see that i stole, which means the cops are gonna come after me, which means my mom is gonna find out, which means im gonna go to jail, which means even after i get out my mom will isolate me Even More for being a criminal, and scream at me about how i'm dangerous. and that made me so scared that i didnt do it!!

i wanted to physically attack my mom? well okay i knew she was too much of a pussy to call the cops on me and i was already being isolated so it was a dick tits whatre you gonna do cancel us some more kinda situation

if you dont know what im talking about: youre welcome

hope that cheered you up a little

i use this nowadays for holding myself back from detroit becoming violent: the cops will be here and i will go to jail for So Many Years and im crippled i would not do well in jail ill get sicker and sicker

so kind of like that?

if the self control relates to worrying that you'll hurt someone you care about, try and remind yourself that your relationship with them could suffer or become completely shattered if you did smth stupid out of anger

also: i saved this for last because it doesnt answer your question in particular, but id advise trying to figure out if your anger and anxiety have any specific triggers. does your anxiety manifest itself as anger? do you get anxious when you start to become angry? does a specific situation or person make these feelings arise? figuring out why you're feeling the way you do can help with management, whether it be thru knowing what youre up against to better cope with it, or thru walking away from something you now know is triggering

anywaye i hope any of this helped! i'm not the best at giving advice so i hope this wasnt total crap! goodluck!! :)

[yanderecrazysie]

Can you maybe do a Yandere Alphabet with Tendou please 👉👈🥺🥺

Of course I can!!! I'd be more than happy to! :D

Tendou Satori (Haikyuu) -The Yandere Alphabet

🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Warnings: yandere themes, kidnapping, murder, food/water deprivation

A is for Affection: How do they show their affection for their darling? How often do they show it?

💖 Tendou would start with soft touches that could go unnoticed by you. Just one of those "touchy friend" types, right? An arm slung around your shoulder, pulling at your cheeks teasingly, hands over your eyes from behind saying "guess who?", and other harmless, playful things.

💖 These touches might start to escalate if you receive them well. A quick kiss on the cheek, a hug that lasts much longer than normal... suddenly it doesn't feel as "friendly" as it used to.

💖 When Tendou "takes you home", he'll see no reason to hold himself back with his affection. He's going to be fairly clingy, just warning you!

B is for Blood: How messy are they willing to get for their darling? Why?

🔪 Tendou seems to enjoy seeing the helpless look on people's faces, so he might enjoy murder. Since the sadistic pleasure comes from defeating his rivals, I think anyone that is a contender for your love is probably in mortal danger.

C is for Care or Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they kidnap them? Would they mock them?

💔 I don't think Tendou would really MOCK you, but he would be pretty smug about his victory. He wouldn't be able to stop gloating about his plan going perfectly.

💔 Tendou will treat you well, though. Don't think for a second that he'll be mean because this boy's a bit like an overexcited puppy when it comes to you.

D is for Delusion: How delusional are they when it comes to their darling? Do they believe their darling loves them?

💭 Tendou is aware that you don't like him back (yet) but he doesn't think his thoughts or actions are abnormal. Possessive tendencies, dark thoughts, even murder... it's all because he loves you, so that's fine!

E is for Expose: How much of their heart do they bear to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? How much time will it take to trust them?

💧 Tendou didn't have a great past and he doesn't really love thinking about how the other kids bullied him. I think he does have a bit of fear that you might judge him too, even if you've shown nothing but kindness towards him.

💧 Because of that insecurity, I think it would take a long time for Tendou to tell you about his past if you didn't know it. If you did know about it, he wouldn't want to talk about it. But why dwell on bad memories when he can make good new ones with you!

💧 Trust though? Tendou is a bit paranoid about you leaving him, so you're literally never going to be trusted near a potential escape. 50 years down the road and he's still not letting you within EYESIGHT of the padlocked door.

F is for Fight: How would they react if their darling fought back?

👊 Tendou would probably find it hilarious if you tried to physically fight back. Do you HONESTLY think you're going to overpower him? I mean: he's big, strong, fast, and good at guessing your next move. Yeah, nice try.

👊 Like I said, he'd find it funny. It's a bit of a challenge, it's so cute to see that feisty side of you! To Tendou, it's kind of like a special little game you both play. You'll never really win anyways, so what's the worry?

G is for Guilt: What would it take for them to feel guilty about their actions? Or do they feel guilty from the start?

😔 Guilt? What's guilt? I don't think Tendou would feel that.

😔 Seriously though, even if you got hurt or were upset, I don't think Tendou would blame himself. He wouldn't blame you, of course, but it's just kinda... necessary, you know?

H is for Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

🔥 An angry Tendou is not a fun Tendou. Seriously, angering him isn't fun for you or him. He can be a cute, dorky little thing but he can be kinda scary when pissed.

I is for Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

👩‍❤️‍👨 Tendou has a cute little future planned for you both. This boy's thought hard about what your wedding will be like, how many kids you both will have, etc. I don't think he'll really take your opinions into consideration, but maybe if you try hard enough you can convince him.

J is for Jealousy: How easily do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

💢 Tendou doesn't feel "jealousy" exactly. He can pick out rivals, yes, but he doesn't have any worry about them taking you away from him. They won't if he has anything to do with it.

💢 It's fine if you talk to others, though it'll irk him if you're really flirting with someone. He won't blame you for attracting admirers and he'll let you talk to them if you want. They just... aren't exactly... safe from him...

K is for Kidnap: How would they go about kidnapping their darling? How much do they plan it out?

🔒 Tendou would be quick to kidnap you BUT he's not stupid. If the risk of being caught is high, he's not going to rush. He'd find a good opportunity and have a plan for how to take advantage of it. He's pretty good at figuring out what you are going to do.

L is for Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

💌 Tendou wouldn't mind being friend-zoned as a start. That way he can be close to you without you suspecting him of any ill intentions. And he can just pretend to be "that touchy friend" that likes to hang all over you.

💌 He'd probably be extra playful with you and seek you out so much that even his teammates can't help but notice. He'd ask you to go everywhere with him and trail after you when you go somewhere.

M is for Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they acted before?

🎭 I would say that Tendou can hide things pretty well. He sometimes conceals his true nature and how dark his thoughts are, but his teammates/friends/family CAN tell that he's acting strangely.

N is for Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

🚓 I can't picture Tendou hurting you (or really any yandere, to be honest) but I can picture him being crueler with his punishments than the others.

🚓 Tendou might deprive you of food/water until you give in to what he wants or he might lock you up with very tight restraints. You'll come to learn that an angry Tendou isn't a fun Tendou to deal with.

O is for Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? What rights can be earned with time and trust?

📜 I think that, as long as you're behaving, Tendou would let you roam pretty free around the house. I mean, that's not really saying much, considering you can't leave or anything.

P is for Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

🕊️ I feel like Tendou wouldn't be very patient. Not so much "impatient" as he is just really excited. He CAN wait, he'd just prefer not to. I feel like he'd be playfully impatient too- pretending he can't wait another moment and dramatically faking relief when the wait is over.

🕊️ Tendou wants to give you the benefit of the doubt and he knows you need time to adjust. As long as you don't go TOO far, he will go super easy on you. He'll probably even do a "3 warnings" system or something.

Q is for Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

🏃‍♀️ If you die, Tendou will spend the rest of his life miserable and in mourning. I don't think he'd know what to do with himself- he lost his whole world when you left it.

🏃‍♀️ I do think there's a possibility for escape, just not a high one. If you do manage it, Tendou will hunt you down for as long as it takes. If it takes until the day you die, Tendou will keep searching.

R is for Rage: How do they act when angry? How do they calm down?

👿 Tendou's anger ranges from peeved "tch"es to bared-teeth yelling. In any case, it'll be hard to calm him down, unless it's not aimed at you. If he's having a bad day or angry about something not related to you, wrapping your arms around him or climbing into his lap will immediately soothe him.

👿 If you're the one that caused his anger, however, you're in big trouble. Your only options are to wait it out or hide. If you hide, you stay safe but he'll stay angry for longer. Weigh the pros and cons.

S is for Soulmate: What made them fall in love with their darling? How did they first meet? When did they realize they loved their darling?

💍 You either defended him from bullies or were kind to him, never seeing him as a "monster" like the others. Your refusal to be cruel to him immediately caught his eye, since most people give him a LOT of distance.

💍 Tendou just ADORES how you don't flinch when he approaches you, that you don't stare uncomfortably at his face, or that you don't make fun of his mannerisms. You don't seem to approve of his fairly-cruel (and frankly disturbing) songs and attitudes about others, but you don't treat him any different because of it.

💍 You never had to treat him special, in fact, that's the exact opposite. You treated him NORMALLY. And, because of that, he got the chance to get to know you. Aren't you so glad?

T is for Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

😭 It depends on the situation. I think, if it was something you were really sad about, Tendou would try to cheer you up. He'd do his best to turn that frown upside down because your smile is so much prettier!

😭 However, if it's because of his punishment/anger or you're crying about "wanting to go home", he might be a little more sadistic about it. I can see him doing silly little teasing gestures (tilting his head strangely, innocently wondering aloud why you're so sad).

U is for Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

👌 Tendou isn't... normal. Like, even canon non-Yandere Tendou is kinda... strange. Because of this, no matter how disturbing and yandere he acts, no one else will realize just how serious his oddities are this time.

V is for Visit: Would they allow anyone else to visit their darling? Do they trust their darling to talk to their loved ones (in person, on the phone, etc.) or not at all?

🧳 As long as Ushijima doesn't tell, the miracle boy can come hang out with you two. Tendou secretly kinda wants to show you off a bit. Won't Wakatoshi be so happy for him?

🧳 Semi Semi doesn't get to visit you. Sorry.

W is for Weakness: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

❌ Being hated. If you hate Tendou or act like you do, it'll break him. I'm not saying "call him names" because THAT will just anger him. I mean "I hate it here", "I don't want you", and just generally pushing him away from you.

❌ He wants you to love him- That's one of the reasons he loved you... because you DIDN'T hate him... You can't hate him- YOU CAN'T-

X is for Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

🛐 As clingy and loving as Tendou is, he's not the worshipper type. You put him at a level of normalcy, so he puts you on that same level. I mean, your relationship with him is NOT normal, but to him it is.

🛐 Tendou WILL go to any length necessary to win you over, though. I mean, he didn't kidnap you just for fun. He abducted you so that you could both fall in love together like you were meant to, without all those pathetic rivals in the way.

Y is for Yearning: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

😍 Depending on how friendly you were with Tendou, he may have had a "slow burn" (in Tendou terms) or "instant" love for you. If you met through mutual friends or something, it'll take a while for him to "snap". Otherwise, like everything with Tendou, it'll go QUICK.

Z is for Zero Tolerance: What is the thing that always makes them snap? What things will they not allow their darling to do under any circumstances?

0️⃣ Calling Tendou names = the exact opposite of why he loves you. Especially if you call him a "monster". That word will send Tendou into a fury you will instantly regret invoking. An "I hate you" is a million times better than "You're a monster".

🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

I really hope you enjoyed! I did my best!

I always feel like I don't know Tendou as well as most people do- like his personality is so... bizarre... I don't know how to put a finger on just what he's like-

[thekidsarentalright]

Hey wanna share your thoughts on I've Got A Dark Alley from futct?

ooo boy okay, yes i would love to share my thoughts on i've got a dark alley. i have many thoughts on this song, as it destroys me emotionally and i relate to it a concerning amount! (TW: suicide is discussed in this, stay safe <3 as always, i don't love looking at songs from the perspective as the artist because that feels kinda invasive idk so i look at them from a story/fictional perspective, but this is an exception bc dark alley is SO personal to pete and also me lmaooo... analysis under the read more <3)

So... I’ve got a dark alley is almost undeniably about Pete's suicide attempt, or at least his general mood/emotional state around the time of it. It opens with “Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends" / We're the kids who feel like dead ends / And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close”, which is like A Lot to sift through but in general this verse is making a simile between being told something (a joke, if you wanna take it literally) awful and emotionally difficult to hear/feel and kisses shared ‘jokingly’ between ‘best friends’... clearly, pete here does not just view this person as a friend, but something leads me to believe the other does... a first devastating thing for him listed in this song.  ‘We’re the kids who feel like dead ends’, Pete is identifying himself as part of this group, part of a group of ‘kids’ who feel like they’ve hit a wall, they have no where left to go, and no potential in themselves to make it better. One could argue fob makes music for kids who feel like this (they do) and Pete is signaling that he understand how that feels, because he IS a kid who feels like a dead end. “And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close / At trust and love and hope / And the poets are just kids who didn't make it / And never had it all” are all the same thought stream all going towards that he doesn’t want to be known for his shortcomings, for things people view he’s done bad or wrong, he doesn’t wanna be known as a kid who feels like a dead end... i believe the next line is saying he took a ‘shot’ at trying to become known for more than that (one could say his suicide attempt was this shot, it very well could be, or just... any attempt Pete made at making himself more likable back then) but didn’t come close to, he didn’t come close to gaining trust, love, or hope in a metaphorical sense but also in the sense that in his shot, trust love and hope were what he was putting at risk with the hope he’d come out the other side better- happier- but it didn’t work. The next lyrics go on to him sort of identifying himself as ‘a kid who didn’t make it, and never had it all’, because i feel its safe to say Pete is a poet and is aware of this, and identified himself as a ‘kid’ in the past so- Pete is saying he took this shot a trust, love, and hope but fell short, and was once again being a hopeless poet who didn’t make it and never had any of that in the first place. The chorus continues to stream of consciousness type writing the first verse and pre-chorus had, with the repetition of ‘and’ showing that these are all thoughts coming at him in rapid succession, burying him in them, I believe. The lyrics echo this too- the ‘record’ (life) won’t stop skipping, won’t stop moving and going forward and lies won’t slipping from him (makes me think of people lying about being okay when they’re not) And while everything is falling apart for him, his reputation is on the line too. So, he can’t be visibly going through this, he can’t be depressed, he can’t be suicidal, he can’t be bipolar and have all those things known because it’s all so stigmatized- and his career is just starting off. It would ruin his reputation. So, Pete fakes it, forces smiles even though he feels dead inside because he can’t stop comparing himself to everybody else around him as his life falls apart. “Please put the doctor on the phone, 'cause I'm not making any sense / Blame everyone but me for this mess / And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart / We never seemed so far” is the second verse, discussing (perhaps obviously) that Pete feels he has truly gone off the deep end, he needs a doctor/therapist (this line reminds me of that one lyric from disloyal order) to come help him because he’s gone (genius annotations say this is directly about his suicide attempt, and i suppose it very much could be, but the meaning is the same either way). However, he’s putting responsibility for going off the deep end on everybody else, as he seems to feel wronged by the world, society, etc. for letting him become so isolated, so depressed, for the stigma around mental illness.  ‘And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart’ is saying that Pete’s heart feels so heavy from all of the above, again, the isolation, the stigma, the pressure on seeming happy when he isn’t, the way life is going by so fast even when he’s frozen... it’s destroying him, breaking his back, even. It’s no way to live, needless to say.

“I'm hopelessly hopeful / You're just hopeless enough / But we never had it, at all” is a call back to the last pre-chorus with the ‘never had it all’ part in common. I feel this is the only part of this song possibly about romance, possibly saying that he hopes (hopelessly, at least he’s self-aware) whomever he’s talking to is as hopeless as he feels so they can be miserable together, but he recognizes that they never would work together (perhaps because the counterpart isn’t as hopeless as he is? or because he took a shot at love and didn’t come close to it?). After this, the chorus repeats and reinforces what I stated before about it- life is coming at him so fast against his consent, he keeps lying about things, but his reputation is on the line so he has to lie and life has to keep going because he can’t not be okay- he has to be okay. 

Overall, this song is like seriously depressing. Their most emotionally vulnerable, depressing fob song to date, I’d argue. Pete himself has said they’ll never play it live because it’s so personal, which is understandable- he reveals it all, he reveals how he feels so hopeless and lost, how society and fame is putting pressure on him to seem okay when he isn’t, possibly how ending it all would make it all just go away and give him what he seems to truly want- to be known for the good things he’s done, for the ‘hits’ he’s written, he wants love and trust and hope from someone special, sure, but more importantly from the world. I’m happy it seems he’s got all of that now.

[everything-laito]

damn the brain be out here going BRRRRRR here’s the Laito and Cordelia Analysis (with a little bit of Karl sprinkled in) Part III

wow my fingers are freezing but my brain sure isn't! 

aaaanyways, iiiiiit’s trauma time!!! Am I a productive member of society by writing these analyses? No. Do I gain anything by writing them? Kinda, my brain gets exercised and they’re fun to research for. But if you haven’t read the first part or the second part for some reason (I recommend reading them in order), there they are. 

Once again, trigger warnings still apply; mainly about trauma, isolation, etc 

I’m gonna talk about the trauma and effects it had on Laito and to attempt to extrapolate why he is the way he is. I have a lot of examples I want to go over and stuff to talk about, so I think the trauma part is going to be split between two (or maybe three) parts. I also have a little bit to say about Karlheinz.

As always, big ass rant under the cut! 

Section 6: Neuroplasticity and Trauma

Oh???? More science vernacular??? You BET! Ok, neuroplasticity. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog. But, I seriously doubt that there is a madlad who has read all of my analyses (speaking of which, I should update the master list lmao) and I don’t expect anyone to do that LOL! Anyways, this neurological concept is the ability of neurons to adapt to certain circumstances or stimuli by creating new neurological pathways (through synapses). This basically relates to memory and learning. It’s why we don’t stay the same person as we grow and develop. It’s responsible from mindset changes to response to traumatic events. It plays a huge part in trauma, which is why “repressed memories” occur as well. 

Trauma, taken from Psychology Today, is defined as: 

...the experience of severe psychological distress following any terrible or life-threatening event. Sufferers may develop emotional disturbances such as extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD.

It’s a basic definition. And although I’d assume people would know what trauma is already, but knowing the lexical definition of something can be good to know before going into it. 

Obviously, Laito has trauma, there’s literally no refuting that. But, the point I’m getting at, is the reason why he is the way he is today is because of neuroplasticity. As previously stated, we are going to assume the DL vampire brain works similarly or the same as a human brain. So, because of the stress put upon the brain (Cordelia’s actions and Laito’s general upbringing in a stress filled household), Laito’s brain was rewired (neuroplasticity). This section doesn’t really have much new information, but I wanted to give a baseline since there’s many people who don’t know what neuroplasticity is.

Laito’s definitely different than what he was as a kid. He still kind of had his smarts, and might have been  but as we’ve deducted from the first part of this series, he might have been groomed. On top of that, the brain is easily moldable when you’re a child (which is why grooming makes sense for Laito’s case), and continues to snip brain cells off and form new connections. 

Section 7: Little intermission about Karlheinz 

I know I haven’t really talked about Karlheinz yet. So this will be the section that I do it in. I know this part is about Laito’s trauma, but it’s so hard to not just weave other characters into it. Nothing is stand-alone, which is why it was so hard for me to plan this out. I was debating about saving this for another analysis, but I feel like it fits. 

I referenced this in Part II, Section 5 of this analysis series. Basically, Karlheinz throws Laito into the dungeon and locks him up. Not Karlheinz personally, but he ordered someone to do it. We don’t explicitly know why, but there’s several implications. A huge one is that it was part of Karlheinz’ experiment. Before Dark Fate, I was like “wait, so did Karl find out about Laito/Cordelia? And got like jealous or was like ‘nah this shit fucked up no thanks’?” I was really scratching my head on that. But in Dark Fate, you find that Karlheinz knew about Cordelia and Laito, and even really wanted it to happen. Which is all sorts of fucked up. This really put Laito in for a loop. Here’s a scene from Dark Fate: 

Laito: That woman always, always believed in Karlheinz. Laito: She believed he married her because he loved her, wanted her. That’s why she was sure that one day... he will give his love only to her.  Laito: But she was tricked. She wasn’t loved from the start... Laito: -And I’m a victim of this unbelievable mistake... That’s how it is. Laito: I was treated as a vent for her feelings. Yui: ...Laito-kun... Laito: I’m sure he knew that something like this will happen... He is a god after all... Laito: I was hoping that... He just overlooked it up until now... Laito: But... I was naive.  Laito: I was only planned a scapegoat. 

God, when I played this, that just freaking struck me to my core. That’s so awful. Ironically... Karlheinz probably has some high level of emotional intelligence. I don’t believe he could be labeled as a sociopath, considering he has this high level understanding of pathos. He’s not god in a sense that he controls everyone individually himself. He’s so good at manipulation that he basically creates fate itself (whether you believe in it or not). He’s generally intelligent and cunning, and it also just helps with the fact that he’s immortal and can time travel. He knows cause and effect by now, and I believe Lost Eden said something about how he’s done so many different “timelines.” 

The definition of a god in a philosophical sense can be broken down into three words: omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. More wicked cool jargon! Yay! Here’s what they mean for extra clarification:

Omniscient: All knowing Omnipresent: All seeing Omnipotent: All doing

Sure Karlheinz doesn’t absolutely know everything, nor can see everything, and he definitely has limits to his power, but he has gained knowledge through living for so many years and time traveling; he has familiars which add to the whole “all seeing” part; and he has a lot of power. So basically, in the most semi-”realistic” sense, it would definitely be the closest being to any kind of god.

Karlheinz is probably the reason why Laito himself has such contempt towards religion, and the existence of a god in general. Sure, the boys are like “that shit’s made up by humans” in general, but it would make sense for Laito himself to have that specific hatred. It makes sense that these vampires would be like “oh that’s made up by humans” when they’ve been around forever and have seen multiple religions come and go. (I’m mainly talking about in DL’s lore case, not starting a religious argument; please don’t take it as such––just to clarify)

Section 8: Isolation

Originally, the previous part was going to be about Laito’s isolation being locked up. However, I went off the rails and it turned into that little intermission. This is going to be a shorter section, but I still wanted to talk about, and it will weave into the next section. 

There is no implications about how long Laito was locked up (and tortured) in the dungeon. There’s also no implications about why he was tortured. But torture and isolation puts such stress on the brain that there’s definitely going to be some kind of outcome if persisting for a good period of time. So let’s take a look at what that does to a person. 

Once again, taking this with a grain of salt. I imagine vampires don’t need to rely on social interaction as much as humans do, considering they live forever. But we don’t know. However, throwing Laito into a state of isolation implies that it would be some type of torture or harsh punishment for a vampire, which therefore implies that social interaction is a necessity for emotional function. It’s just sound, inductive logic. 

So now, as for isolation, I’m using this article as reference. It’s a pretty interesting one to read. Here’s another extensive article as well. Basically isolation can cause:

Depression/anxiety

Immune system deficiencies (basically more likely to get physically ill)

Sleep cycle changes (if put underground or with limited natural light)

Hallucinations

Paranoia

Issues with processing information and more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation

We have no clue if Laito’s experience fits all of these. Also, the second one can be crossed out because vampires in DL can’t get physically sick in the way we can. Also, unsure about the sleep cycle stuff considering they are used to being in the dark. Hallucinations and paranoia can’t be crossed off nor proven. 

Being isolated physically and mentally exhausts the mind, which is why it’s also a way of torture. Laito implies that he was tortured with physical devices, but regardless, it’s still stress on the mind. This type of stress definitely goes along with what was mentioned with neuroplasticity and trauma, which also supports the last bullet point: issues processing information and being more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation. Take this flashback from Maniac Prologue in HDB that I used in Part II section 5 (but here’s even more context):

Laito: ーー Let me go!! Let me out of here! Butler: I can’t, young lord. We’ve received strict orders from your father. I am deeply sorry, but please stay put for a while. Laito: What’s the point in having me chained up in here!? Butler: ーーI am very sorry. Laito: Hahahaha…You stupid old man! Do you think that this will make repent!? How foolish! That demon! Has his brain finally rotten from spending too much time with humans!? ー Cordelia appears Cordelia: ー Oh? Laito: …!? Have you come to save me? Cordelia: Oh dear. Ufufu…I’m sorry Laito, that isn’t it. Laito: Eh? Richter: ー Why are you here? Laito: …That’s my line. Cordelia: Okay, okay. No fighting! More importantly, Richter…Come here. Laito: …!? Cordelia: Nnn…Hey, Laito. You are a good boy. Laito: …!! Cordelia: Right, Laito? Laito: Yeah, that’s right. I’m…I’m a good boy after all.  ーー Besides, I’m the type of person who only get more aroused from this kind of thing.

Although I also use this to support the whole Stockholm syndrome point, this could also be supported with the trauma isolation also holds. His mind is being re-molded into the facade he holds. Also, note the whole “do you think this will make me repent?!” part. Just a very interesting thing. The word “repent” implies that there’s something to feel guilty about or the person knows that what they’ve done is bad. It just goes to show that Laito has some part of guilt or moral compass still in tact. 

You can also argue that this scene was when Laito just got locked up, or he’s been here for a while. Either way, he could have also been socially isolated before this too, just hanging around Cordelia like it’s implied when he was a child. Remember the whole not being in bed 9/10 times when he was a child? Yeah, controlled social isolation. We also rarely see Laito with other characters in his flashbacks. I don’t believe we see him with his brothers in any of his flashbacks from what I can recall; he’s usually with Cordelia. Just implies (to me) that he’s around her a lot. And being locked up is also a more extreme case of that, which would mold the brain even more. 

I know that was a LOT to process and read. I sure hope this still is cohesive for you all. I’m pretty bad at organizing this kind of stuff; it’s a bit difficult since it all just goes together. Which, kudos on the writers of DL, because that’s just good writing. I was going to put something about gaslighting in this part, but that might be too long, so I’m going to make that a separate part or include it in the next part. 

If you have any questions, feel free to just put it in the inbox. I’m planning on making the last part of this series answering all the Laito/Cordelia questions I’ve received, or just general questions pertaining to this analysis in general, whether it be tangential questions or clarifying questions. 

Hope you all are still enjoying this ride as much as I am!  -Corn

[bambolae]

    HEADCANONS   —   CHAPTER  I.    the dolls of house beneviento.

so, everybody’s view on donna in relation to angie is very, very different. there’s a lot of interesting takes that i’ve read and discussed with friends and since the game does keep it fairly vague, i think that it’s important to establish how i view the dolls of house beneviento.

let me begin with the doll we all know and love, angie. here’s the history behind her.

angie was given to donna in her youth by her father who was a doll maker. donna has struggled with her mental health ever since she was young and she was likely selectively mute as a result. she took a very intimate liking to the doll she named angie and created a sort of persona as the doll to speak to people through her. later, after donna was adopted by mother miranda and implanted with a cadou parasite, she had part of the parasite planted within angie’s head and she is able to control angie through it to this day. 

there’s a lot of questions surrounding angie’s level of sentience and how connected she really is to donna. the way that i’m portraying it is that i believe angie, alongside all of the other dolls, are extensions of donna herself. they do not have their own sentience. she has a set of dolls (angie being her main one) that represent her as a person. i’m making this clear because this is not to say that she has multiple personalities despite the dolls acting very different from one another. the dolls represent the parts of herself that she could never show from a young age and that never developed in a way that she could healthily display her emotions and thoughts without using them as a buffer. to know her dolls is to know donna. 

side note: while angie is completely controlled by donna and does not have sentience, there’s still moments where angie will blurt something out that donna reacts to in an embarrassed manner. this is the equivalent of you blurting something out without realizing it LOL especially if youre somebody who doesn’t have a filter. donna doesnt have much of a filter, shes got a funnel that goes straight through whatever doll shes controlling. in VEEERY rare cases where she’s comfortable enough to talk, donna does blurt out things you’d generally hear angie say and the disconnect is kinda hilarious.

donna grew up in a very strict religious setting as one of miranda’s few “successful” experiments and subsequently one of the future ladies of the village. she was on a tight leash and it’s clear in the way she’s spoken about by miranda and the others that her mental illness was not treated well. any signs of it made her appear immature and childish, nobody took her seriously due to how she never felt comfortable speaking, and the expectations of essentially being a new prophet figure in the cult made it so that she had no childhood at all and no time to explore herself or her emotions. every semblance of emotion was treated like a problem and donna quickly learned that she could only express herself through angie without getting in trouble. 

what was originally a soft blanket that comforted her and helped her with her anxiety was now a crutch. it was the only way she could speak without the fear of being shunned. angie became the truest version of herself - she is the life that donna is too scared to embrace. she is forever in mourning for her parents, her failures, herself. angie celebrates life, finds humor in things that nobody else does, says and does the things that donna would never say. everything she has repressed inside generally comes out through her. 

now, some smaller details for the dolls. each and every doll in the beneviento household that has a part of donna’s cadou implanted into it was created by donna. the dolls will have the beneviento crest on them usually in the form of small buttons, embroidery, accessories, etc. she likely commissions any metal pieces from karl, but generally does it in bulk unless its a special project since they’re usually buttons, pins, brooches, and the like that are used consistently throughout her own clothing and the doll’s. many of her dolls rotate through an ever increasing wardrobe of clothes she creates for them.

her favorite dolls are regularly maintained and cleaned. angie herself is… nowhere near as grimey and nasty as she is in the game. as much as i love the creepy vibe, it makes no sense for a woman who loves a doll this dearly and clearly creates a PLETHORA of dolls herself. she is still cracked and stained from her youth before she learned the arts herself, but donna regularly cleans her and changes her into various white dresses. her hair has been rerooted as well because it… is not that hard to fix that either c’mon. it’s a curly blonde updo. she’s still a creepy little beast but she’s at least maintained. 

donna can control any of her dolls and can control multiple at the same time, but the more she controls at once the simpler their actions will be. for example; if she’s fully focused on controlling angie, then the other dolls are likely idly walking around or turning their heads but they won’t do much else. she can focus on controlling one doll fully & switch between two others simultaneously before it becomes too much for her to handle. any doll with a cadou fragment implanted into them is a part of donna and will idly do things without her even thinking about it. 

if you touch one of the said dolls, she’ll be able to feel it. hearing & sight are limited to the doll she has her focused on and  she can’t really taste or smell through any of them which makes touch the only sense she can always feel through any doll. she has a similar connection to the mold - infested plant life in her territory where she can feel what’s going on - this makes sneaking up on her hard unless you can get through without touching one of the many dolls or one of the plants she’s connected to through the mold.

donna has made many, many dolls for the children in the village (without the cadou…. duh….) and it’s known that it was created by lady beneviento. that’s the most the village people interact with her, usually. 

so, let’s go over the main four dolls that donna has fully developed “personas” for. i went over angie just a few paragraphs ago but as the “leader” of this quartet she needs to be in this roundup too

ANGELA  “ ANGIE “  BENEVIENTO.

donna’s very first doll. represents her in her truest, unfiltered self. the child donna was never allowed to be, says the things she never got to say & does the things she never got to do. the doll she’s usually in control of. quote from earlier paragraph:  angie became the truest version of herself - she is the life that donna is too scared to embrace. she is forever in mourning for her parents, her failures, herself. angie celebrates life, finds humor in things that nobody else does, says and does the things that donna would never say. everything she has repressed inside generally comes out through her.

GIANNA “  MRS. CHUCKLES “  BENEVIENTO.

the first doll donna created herself made in the vision of a clown from a book. the most playful of the lot, most likely to approach you to play a game with her or to crack jokes. similar to angie but with much less of a bite to her words. represents her repressed joy & humor.

LADY ELISA BENEVIENTO.

one of donna’s earlier creations made when she was a pre-teen going through one of the worst mental health lows she’s ever been through. she fixated heavily on this one to keep her occupied in her loneliness, very intricately sculpted & painted. made to look like a sad princess. she still considers elisa one of her best quality dolls, big comfort doll for her. represents her sadness, doesn’t get a lot of use unless she’s struggling with her depression more than usual. 

GABRIELLA BENEVIENTO.

created in her early twenties and has debatably the best craftsmanship out of the four, only rivaled by elisa. made during a very angry time in her life after mother miranda said something to her that made something inside her snap for the first time. she stewed in her anger, isolated in her home & created a doll to cope with her emotions. she forgave & forgot but gabriella did not. doesn’t have any obvious, distinctive design but is regularly dressed in dark colors and has so many knifes under her skirt. much heavier gothic inspiration than the rest of her dolls. she’s usually the first one to attack an intruder. represents donna’s repressed anger & rage, the fight to her flight. doesn’t get a lot of use unless donna feels like she needs to be protected or you somehow managed to rile her up. extreme fear might bring gabriella out as well if she feels like she needs to attack.